


Lost in the Black

by Ms_prawo_jazdy



Category: Firefly, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alien Sex, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Garak, Blood, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, Cardassian Anatomy, Cardassians, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Developing Relationship, Dimension Travel, Diverged that canon so hard, Don't Judge Me, F/M, First Contact, First Kiss, First Time, Flirting, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, I don't even know anymore, I need some serious escapism, M/M, Nerds Only, No Universal Translator, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Suffering, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, There's a lot of blood in chapter six, Violence, Yes I am actually writing this, fuck trump, i'm not proud of this, seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27367306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ms_prawo_jazdy/pseuds/Ms_prawo_jazdy
Summary: Garak and Julian were on their way back through the wormhole home to DS9 when something happened to cause their runabout to slip into a different dimension. After sending out a distress beacon and hoping that the Terran Empire didn't answer a strange ship appears to provide assistance. Garak is thrown into the position of the first contact for a non-warp capable but still, space-faring humanity lost among the stars.A bizarre and once light-hearted fic turned space epic (as they always do) born from extreme anxiety heading into the USA Presidential Election.Fuck Trump
Relationships: Hoban Washburne/Zoë Washburne, Inara Serra/Elim Garak, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Kaylee Frye/Simon Tam, Malcolm Reynolds/Inara Serra
Comments: 62
Kudos: 51





	1. First Contact

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I know the world doesn't revolve around the United States and there are other things going on today....but I use fic as escapism. The worse the anxiety the more specific and sometimes crazy the fic. This election cycle pretty much has given me carpal tunnel at this point. I'm really scared because things have never been like this in my country during my lifetime. I'm scared and I worry about other authors being scared today too. So here is something to distract you. I challenge you to do an even better crossover fic. I didn't expect it but this thing is gonna be multiple chapters cause that's how I do. I start something silly and then it becomes a galactic space epic. 
> 
> Life is short. Be kind. Post your bad fics.

Wash had kicked his feet up onto the control panel of Serenity and leaned his pilot's chair all the way back so that his head was resting against the thighs of his wife, Zoey, as she leaned against the rail behind him. She ran her long fingers through his hair as they lazily day-dreamed. This had become their little ritual to decompress, with just the two of them at the helm they were free to talk about a silly future which was always just beyond their grasp. A future that was settled, wealthy, free, and entirely theirs that often featured a pack of children and a farm. Just as they were getting to one of Zoey’s favorite parts, arguing over the names of their imaginary children, an alarm went off causing them both to snap to attention. 

“There’s some kind of automated repeating signal or something, I’ve never seen anything like it.” 

“Do you think it’s Alliance?”

“No I mean, I can’t see the message at all. It's not that it is encrypted, it's unreadable. Serenity can tell something is out there but she can’t parse this out. The stream is completely foreign like it isn’t compatible with our scanners...but if it’s a stable signal about 4 hours away if we run it flat out and it’s being broadcast on just about every type of radiation left in the ‘verse ….

“It’s a distress signal,” 

“Well, that or a pulsar. So Mrs. Second in Command - should we wake up Mal or just go for it.”

“Best not to waste time if it is a distress call, head that way now, we will either help someone out or find us some salvage-” 

“If it’s not a pulsar,” Wash responded as he rerouted the ship's course, knocking a slinky to the floor as he did so. 

_____

Garak was coming back to consciousness on the floor of the shuttle. His eyes came into focus on a slightly concerned Julian hanging over him with a tricorder. 

“How are you feeling, Garak?” 

“Wonderful, Doctor,” he said, sitting up slowly. Julian smiled as he offered Garak one of his lovely warm hands to help him up off the floor. “Can you tell me just what the hell happened?” 

“It seems that we’ve gone through a space-time anomaly. I’m not sure where we are exactly, or when we are. Another dimension, a far-flung corner of the universe, primordial Cardassia…” 

“You make it all sound so romantic,” Garak said with a groan, forcing himself to sit up. 

“Starfleet loves the unknown,” Julian responded with a tight anxious smile while he pressed a hypospray for inflammation and pain into Garak’s neck. “I’ve sent out a distress signal but there’s no knowing what good it will do.” 

“Or harm,” Garak responded a little woozily as he made it back up onto his feet.

“We will need to sit down and figure out what happened if we hope to get back, the sooner the better.” 

After a few moments of work, scanning, and digesting data, it was obvious that they were not in their Delta Quadrant or even their universe for that matter. The shuttle's instruments tried their best and uncovered some promising tachyon particles and evidence they were not in their universe any longer. An image of a goateed Dr. Julian Bashir of the Terran Empire flashed in his mind but at least Starfleet officers had returned from a parallel dimension before, the precedent was at least comforting enough to combat the chilly silence coming from comms. 

_________

“What the hell is that? Kaylee, get up here, have you ever seen a ship that looks like this?” Mal was a bit cranky when he woke up to find his ship on a whole new setting heading towards a big unknown when they were supposed to be on their way to a job. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and took another pull off the coffee substitute slurry they’d been choking down for the last month. Kaylee’s head popped into the cabin and she immediately looked confused.

“What the hell is that?” Kaylee repeated as she came through the fore-aft onto the bridge.

“They don’t seem to have any docking port or anything on their ship.” 

“It took some maneuvering but now that we are so close, I think we’ve got comms!” Wash leaped over a railing and squeezed past Zoey, flicking switches as he went. The ship came alive with the sound of the distress signal announcing that the ship was a Starfleet Runabout - the Yangtze - and needed help. Wash tossed the handheld to Mal.

Mal held it, his mouth dropping open and then closing again. What was he supposed to say? 

“Uhh...Hello?” Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained apparently. 

“Whoa, hello?” The person who responded had a strange accent but he was easy to understand. 

“Well, it’s good to hear someone is alive in there. We got your message but we don’t know how to get you out of your ship, you don’t seem to be able to dock?” 

“Dock?” Julian looked confused at Garak who merely shrugged. “Listen we are awfully lost, is this Federation space?” 

“Federation? Ain’t never heard of the Federation friend but you’re outside of Alliance space if that’s what you are worried about…”

“It’s a tiny ship, they couldn’t have gotten all the way out here on their own in that thing,” Zoey noted quietly, leaning in next to Mal. 

“What’s your name, and who you got with you?” 

“Julian Bashir - Starfleet Medical Officer and my companion is Elim Garak. We… I don’t think we are from … here.” Julian’s hands flew over his instruments in the tiny runabout, his face furrowed as he scanned the ship that had just pulled up alongside them. It was unlike anything he had ever seen in Starfleet or anywhere else for that matter. They seemed to use a plasma propulsion drive that would have been impossible if the physics were consistent with their own universe and there was no warp drive to be seen. 

“Another goram doctor,” Mal muttered to himself, he lifted the handheld back to his face. “Wait-hmph-what the hell does that mean?”

“Tell me, Captain, do you have any understanding of dimensional rifts.” 

“No, but I know someone who might. I think it might be best to have this conversation face to face.” 

“I couldn’t agree more Captain.”

“I bet it’ll fit in the cargo bay.” Kaylee offered. “If this guy’s a decent pilot it shouldn’t be hard. We can strap everything down, seal off the bay and have them fly right in.”

“It’d be a snug fit, we’d be taking an awful risk Capt.” Wash countered. Mal crossed his arms and weighed his options but Dr. Bashir cut in. 

“Captain if I may? We have a transportation device. My scans show you have no shields...or even shielding capabilities so I want to explain what is about to happen as you might not be familiar with this technology.” Julian proceeded to give anyone listening to a short lecture on transporter quantum mechanics. There was silence before Mal responded. 

“Wh-what?” 

“We will materialize on your bridge. Please stand clear of the blue haze, that is where we will be momentarily.” 

“Haze?” Wash asked. Suddenly the bridge was filled with an eerie sound and a blue light. Mal jumped back and pulled his pistol as a human and something they had never seen appeared on the bridge. A young man and a...thing appeared. There was a beat of surprised silence, and then Kaylee screamed. 

Garak and Julian looked surprised at each other and then at the ragtag crew. Four pairs of wide eyes stared at them in disbelief. Julian put his hands up to try and calm the scared people, and then noticed the gun. He nudged Garak who sighed and rolled his eyes as he raised his own hands.

“It’s alright. Transporters can be a little frightening at first…” 

“Wha-what the hell is that!” Mal demanded, waving his gun at Garak as he moved Kaylee and Wash behind him and Zoey. Zoey’s hand rested on her holster but seemed frozen in fear. 

“ _ Uh...It’s a Regilian silk tunic... _ ” he said, the entire crew all drew together at once looking confused and a little horrified at what had just come out of his mouth. 

“Ooooook, what...whatever that was. You. Answers. Now. What...what the fuck is that!” Mal was shaking, so he quickly brought up his other hand to steady his aim. Julian raised his eyebrows and turned to Garak. Mal was feeling less and less confident about inviting these strangers onto his ship, strangers who could magically appear and who looked like… that. Being this off kilter was getting him nervous and it seemed the hits just kept coming.

“ _ It seems like it’s best to leave the talking to you. Their universal translator must be off. Take it away Starfleet _ ,” Garak smiled and tried to make himself look as non-threatening as possible. 

“Uhh, yes, well, I guess that means this is first contact of sorts. Not ideal in any sense but here we are, I first want to say  _ please don’t shoot us _ . I’m Doctor Julian Bashir from the Federation of United Planets and this is Elim Garak my… tailor.” Julian said with a slight smirk as Garak’s eyes grew wide in disbelief. He made a mental note to make the good doctor pay for that at some near future date. 

“It ain’t human,” Mal said grimly, swallowing his fear. 

“No, no  _ he  _ is not human but neither of us mean you any harm.” he said gently. Julian hazard to lower his hands but that just encouraged Mal to move forward with his pistol. Julian shot his hands back up. 

“ _ Oh you are doing so well dear Doctor, did you learn the art of hostage negotiation at the academy, hm? _ ” Garak needled and the crew startled once more.

“Garak, please be quiet, you are scaring them.” 

“ _ I really wish I could help you in this situation but I’m just a plain, simple, tailor right _ ?” 

“Garak. Shut. Up.” 

“You, making those... noises are definitely not helping my calm.” Garak raised his hands a little further and nodded to Mal, letting him know that he understood him. “Kaylee, let Doc know we have a couple of patients coming down to medbay, and make sure River is there too. She might have something to say on all this.” 

Mal tapped Zoey on the shoulder, as she hadn’t moved during the entire exchange. She jumped and pulled her gun, swinging it towards the two strangers. In a fluid motion, Garak pulled Julian behind him and down to the floor, behind what he assumed was the Conn station. He dove behind it himself and reached for Julian’s hip to grab his phaser, but Julian grabbed it first and shook his head. 

“No Garak, we don’t need to make things any worse,” he whispered, stuffing it in his bag with his tricorder and other minor supplies. Garak looked down at Julian and shook his head with disappointment as he felt Mal and Zoey move closely behind him. 

“Yeah Gar-rek. Don’t make things worse for yourself,” Mal said. Garak lifted his hands in the air once again and gave Julian the frustrated smile he reserved for difficult customers. Mal held out his hand to help pull Julian up to his feet and placed his hands above his head. Mal took the opportunity to swing Julian’s bag off of his shoulder and on to his own. Garak made an exasperated sound. 

Zoey was still quiet, her barely blinking eyes focused on the back of the human- _ looking _ head. Kaylee stopped to wake up Jayne as the two were marched towards the belly of the ship. Mal set his jaw and started going over the possibilities. He had seen weird...things in the ‘verse. People who had done all sorts of things to their bodies. But that didn’t explain the suddenly appearing on their bridge...or the strange language. He had been pushing his fear down for the crew, but they were clearly on edge. Wash walked behind them, ready to try and save Zoey from...something? Mal wasn’t sure what he would do, what any of them would do. 

“Did you… did you push me down to protect me or get my phaser?” Julian whispered.

“ _ Really doctor, you need to let go of this desire to force every action into these false dichotomies _ ... _ ridiculous _ ,” Garak huffed.

Julian let it go in favor of stealing glances of the ship as they walked. It was extraordinary. They left the bridge into the forepassage which deposited them in what was clearly a dining area except it was homey and cozy rather than utilitarian, complete with a large wood dining room table. Julian made note of what they had and didn’t have - no replicators or reclamation technology, they seemed to have bags of rice and crates of fruit stored - food had to be fresh or preserved here. If this was their level of technology he couldn’t wait to see what passed for medicine. 

As they approached the stairs that would bring them down to the infirmary, a very large man’s head popped out of the floor. He stood there partially up the stairs and watched as the two strangers approached with guns in their backs. The man they made a sound like a strangled cry. 

“Jayne! Get down to Simon and stand ready in the infirmary. Get Vera.” Mal called.

“ _ Vera _ ?” Garak asked. A recognizable sound out of the monster’s mouth threw everyone into shock once more and they automatically froze. This is something Garak had noted about humanity before, their hyper fight or flight response often ended in neither. Jayne made another small sound before they heard him clomp away, running down the stairs. 

Simon and River were waiting at the bottom of the stairs with Kaylee and the companion Inara. Garak couldn’t help but smile at more astonished faces looking up at them as they descended the staircase, these were filled more with wonder than fear, then again most of them hadn’t seen their grand entrance on the bridge. 

“ _ Oh good, the fashionable people on board. I was beginning to worry about this reality _ ” Garak spoke directly to Inara which made her gasp for air, she hadn’t even realized she had been holding her breath. 

“What did he say?” whispered the tall dark man, whom he presumed was the doctor named Simon.

“He says he likes her clothes, I told you he’s a tailor.” Julian shrugged while smiling at Garak’s withering stare but when he turned back he saw Inara’s ruby lips curled in a smile - the first kind face they had come across. 

They were taken into the infirmary and Julian couldn’t help but begin to walk around, picking up instruments and looking at various machines. Their medical bay was incredibly primitive. He had actual needles and bandages, for God's sakes. Julian marveled at the instruments as he moved around the short single red gurney standing in the center of the room. He began committing the locations of important materials to memory as he fiddle around, as if it was his own infirmary, though he had to admit, some of this stuff was so backward he wouldn’t know how to use it if he wanted. His tricorder was a more powerful device than everything in this medbay put together. 

Garak just watched this process with disinterest before turning his striking blue eyes on Simon. He was the definition of dashing and Garak felt a little twinge in his chest, the inklings of a crush beginning to take root. Simon was taller than Julian and more muscular which was accentuated by a tight brocade vest over a bright white shirt and wonderfully snug black pants. Garak blushed after realizing that Simon was inspecting him from afar almost as closely as he was lewdly mentally undressing him. 

“ _ He’s quite handsome.”  _

“Don’t talk about people like they aren’t in the room, it's rude,” Julian chided. 

“ _ Why not? They can’t understand me, they might as well be in another room. _ ” Garak approached Simon, triggering Jayne to rush forward but Simon shot his arm out to stop him. 

“No! It’s ok! It’s ok... What’s your name? You can understand us?” Simon asked as he pulled out some sort of device. Garak hesitated, but all it did was shine a light in his eyes. 

“ _ Don’t you dare tell them Doctor.”  _

“His name is Garak and he can understand you fine. We have universal translator implants, though it seems you are speaking a form of Federation Standard so you and I can understand each other regardless, it seems. Garak do you know any Standard?” 

“ _ A pathetically small amount,”  _ he said, crossing his arms and glaring at Julian. 

“ _ Feihua,”  _ Jayne said as he retrained the extremely large gun directly into the medbay. Garak looked confused for a moment. Simon put his hands up and gently directed the barrel away from him and his patients while Jayne stared directly at Garak. “What the hell kind of...?”

“ _ I’ve never seen anything like that before… _ ” Garak said, motioning to the gun. 

“You can stop with your weird angry, un-right sounds right now, or I will stop them fer ya,” Jayne said. Garak just smiled.

“Doc,” Mal motioned for Simon to come towards him. Mal lowered his voice as Jayne kept an eye on their new guests. “Check that um, gray bumpy fella out. See if he were human, once upon a time, for me?” 

“Ah, yes captain, of course.”

“Ok,” Mal said, he watched River as she carefully padded into the medbay and took up her spot on a nearby counter. “And see what your moony sister has to say,” Mal said. 

“It’s a little crowded in here, Captain,” Simon announced. “I think we can clear some people out of my medical bay. I don’t think they’re any danger to anyone plus...I mean, River’s here.”

“Fine. but I’m posting Zoey and Jayne at the door. I’ll be right back. They’re not to leave until I return, you hear? And I want to talk to you, Dr. Bashir, after Doc checks you and your...friend out.”

“Uh, sir?” Julian said. “I’m afraid I don’t…”

“Cpt. Malcolm Reynolds,” Mal said, touching his chest. “I think that’s all you need to know right now.”

“Captain. A pleasure. I’m sorry if we’ve disturbed your crew,” Julian said with a good natured smile. Federation charm. Garak appreciated the few occasions when Julian could be tactful and use his skills to further their agenda, but he’d never let Julian know that. Garak rolled his eyes as Mal walked out the door to talk to Kaylee and Wash. There was a whole small ship full of answers just outside his own ship with a familiar name, the Yangtze. It was time to get some answers. He grabbed Wash and Kaylee and dragged them upstairs as Zoey and Jayne stood watch from the doorway of the medbay. Inara couldn’t do much else, but was fascinated, so she stayed and watched the doctor examining the strange creature through the medbay windows.

Julian leaned against a cabinet and kept a careful eye on the doctor. A cursory examination of Garak is all he would need to discover he wasn’t human, but he didn’t trust the amount of sharp objects in this medical bay. He was certain Garak would quickly lose his good nature if one of those long needles or, heaven forbid, a scalpel came towards him. Julian had so many questions, but he certainly didn’t want the doctor to subject Garak to any medical experiments. But still, he was fascinated to see these tools in use. Simon held up a small silver object about as long as the first joint of a human finger. 

“Ok, Mr. Garak, I just need to affix this to your wrist, right here,” Simon put the object on his own wrist and showed it to Garak. 

“ _ At least their numerical system is the same to Standard. It seems he’d like to take some measurements, _ ” Garak said to Julian. 

“He says that’s fine... Doctor Simon, is it?” 

“Tam actually, but I haven’t been called “Doctor Tam” in a very long time. You can just call me Simon,” Simon said as he gently placed the sensor on Garak’s wrist. Simon held Garak’s hand for a moment until a reading popped up. His eyebrows jumped up and he snapped up to look into Garak’s face. He popped the sensor off and put it on his own arm. It seemed to be working fine. “Are you...uh, feeling okay?”

“ _ I’m a little cold, other than that _ …” Garak said with a shrug. 

“I can explain, if I may. This man is a Cardassian. Cardassians can have significantly lower body temperature than humans. Their blood pressure, blood oxygenation...even reflexes and brain wave patterns are closely linked to body temperature,” Julian said. Garak gave Simon the same, almost apologetic smile as Simon backed up a little, absentmindedly knocking over an instrument table.

“So... you aren’t human.”

“ _ Neither is he _ ,” River said in perfect Cardassian from her perch on the countertop while looking directly at Julian. Garak and Julian straightened up and looked at her in astonishment. It was their turn to be frozen with surprise.

“What was that River?” Simon asked. 

“ _ She just spoke in Khardassi _ ,” Garak said breathlessly.

“She just spoke in  _ Khardassi _ .” Julian translated for Garak using it as an opportunity to cover his shock from her revelation. How could she instantly know about his genetic enhancements? 

“ _ Do you just have a thing for doctors? _ ” she asked Garak, Julian looked at him confused. 

“ _ Alright now, that’s quite enough child _ ,” Garak said, crossing his arms. River rolled her eyes. 

“Are you seeking the blue alms of the moribund heaven? A penny of a star?” River mumbled as she jumped down from the countertop, her eyes searching the room for something only she could see. “Oh dragon of the frogs.” 

“ _ You are a curious one, aren’t you _ ?” Garak cocked his head to the side, a move that River mirrored. 

“This is truly, utterly incredible,” Simon said. He seemed to have shaken himself out of his amazement and was rushing around the medbay gathering up supplies. Julian was afraid of exactly this, but he didn’t know just how incredible Garak was in this universe. “The first real alien ever found and it just appears on our ship-”

“Wait, the first  _ ever _ ?” Julian blocked Simon from his frantic work, his arms full of exotic and sharp looking medical supplies. Garak looked just as concerned and wide-eyed glancing down at the gleaming primitive instruments in his hands while bad memories of long past interrogations tried to surface. 

“Well - yes. It’s always been assumed other life in the universe must exist but we have never come across it and never really hoped we’d run into a complex intelligent organism. We thought it’d be more likely to be bacteria or something we’d never be able to conceive-” 

“Ok, so things are making more sense. This is  _ really  _ first contact…” Julian ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated at the circus it had become.

“ _ You are going to ask him to put the knives and needles away, right Doctor?”  _

“Oh, yes, Simon I hope you don’t plan on using any of that on my friend Garak.” Julian said glancing at the medical shrapnel in his hands. “I mean I know you wouldn’t dream of using any of this without his permission of course but just having those materials in hand is making the both of us a bit nervous.” 

“Oh I was just going to see if I could take some samples…” 

“ _ Ha, I won’t even let Julian ‘take samples.’ I barely allow him to doctor me when I’m actually injured or sick and I trust him.” _

“You trust me?” Julian asked, surprised. He thought Garak didn’t trust anyone. 

_ “Hardly the point m’dear.”  _ Garak deflected, “ _ My “samples” are my own.” _

“Sorry, it’s a non-starter Simon ...for now. Starfleet always encourages exploration and scientific inquiry but-”

_ “But I am not Starfleet. We Cardassians think that uncontacted species can shove their scientific wonder right up their ass.”  _

“No need to be rude,” Julian said. 

“Is he...are you…are you like us?” Simon realized he sounded like an idiot, but his amazement was overloading his logical thought process. 

“Even on Cardassia, there’s no one quite like Garak,” Julian said with a smile. “But he has blood, organs...everything you’d expect to find in a living organism.” 

“ _ Now who is being rude?”  _ Garak asked, trying not to let Julian’s compliment distract him from keeping an eye on Simon. 

“Are there other species?” 

_ “Already bored with me? These young handsome doctors are all alike, no matter where you go.” _

_ “You sound desperate.”  _ River answered.

“ _ I am.” _

“What’s he saying?” Simon asked in amazement. 

“Oh...he’s just being difficult,” Julian said, waving him off dismissively. If Garak was going to pretend to not know Standard, he could just get left out of the conversation. “In the Alpha Quadrant alone there are thousands of different species. The Federation of Planets is 150 plants over 8,000 light years.” 

“River, River, what are you doing? Stop, STOP!” Simon had only switched his attention away from Garak for a moment but it was enough for River to silently pad across the room. By the time Simon was yelling for River to stop it was too late. She wrapped her arms around Garak and held on tight. 

“ _ River is it? Ha, ha, like a stream? Wonderful. But why are you holding me like this?”  _

“You’re cold.” She spoke in Standard for the benefit of her anxious friends pointing their guns at the strange couple.

  
“ _ I am _ .” Garak said again with a nod. He lifted his arms slowly and gently patted her on her back. “ _ But if you don’t mind my dear, your friends do not like you so close to me.”  _ She ignored him and pressed her ear against Garak’s chest and listened to his heartbeat. She was so warm and seemed to be pushing her warmth towards him, into him. Garak dropped his face into her hair and a beatific smile spread across her narrow pale face. He allowed his arms to drape his arms down around her, returning her embrace, welcoming her to flood his body and his mind.


	2. Shèng shǐ

Normally, he would have resisted, put up mental barriers as he was taught in the Obsidian Order, but she was unbelievably powerful and would have quickly overwhelmed him if he had attempted to put up a real fight. He had allowed her into his physical body and she was everywhere, she simply stepped into his mind. He didn’t feel the need to reject her psychic advances as he had with Bothas or other species, maybe because she wasn’t trying to interrogate him or harm him but rather trying to share something with him. Garak could feel her pull on some memories, hidden ones he did not wish to share. He tried to pull her back to a safe distance but it was no use. She pulled until the block came undone and a rush of trauma spilled out and memories of fear, anger, and unspeakable violence crashed down. She observed his thoughts and memories which played past without reaction or judgment, just as a way to understand. Her absolute lack of a reaction was puzzling but a mercy, as Garak fell apart in a sea of shame silently begging the strange slip of a girl's forgiveness. He took a long, shaking deep breath, letting three or four tears fall into her hair. 

“It’s alright, we’ll get Garak something warm to put on,” Julian said gently as he came up to her and put his hands on her shoulders to peel her off of him. Garak didn't even notice his presence until he touched her. The bond was breaking now that she had been put back into her own body by the sensation of touch from outside her control. He could feel her soothing calm slipping away as her own ugliness raged.

“Get your hands off of her!” Zoey ordered Julian, raising her rifle to point at his chest. Julian put his hands up and took several steps back leaving River in her embrace with Garak. “Gorram it Riv, what are you doing? We don’t know who or what that is.” 

“His name is Garak, he’s from Cardassia.” Her voice was muffled by Garak’s Rigilian silk tunic, as she tightened her embrace.

“Well, he’s  _ Wei Shian Dohn Woo  _ until the captain comes back.” 

“Come here River, please, Zoey is right, we need to wait for the captain.” Simon held his hand out to her and beckoned her over to him. She untangled herself from Garak, but before she could fully withdraw a memory of her own spilled over. A flash, of a dark cold room and people with ill intent towering over her. A scream,  _ her _ scream, and then it was gone. Garak felt cold again and gazed at the curious young woman who was being led back to her perch. 

Mal reappeared shortly after the hug and said something to Jayne and Zoey, before they nodded and walked upstairs to join Kaylee and Wash, who were already preparing suits for a spacewalk. After a closer scan of the shuttlecraft, they were still completely stumped as to how to gain access to it or where it came from. It wasn’t Alliance, but that didn’t mean it, or these two, were safe. They would need to take an even closer look. 

He walked into the medbay and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was supposed to be an easy three day run out to Hera. Now they’d be late dropping their cargo, of course. He could see they were quickly destroying their good reputation as at  _ least _ punctual, if not totally reliable. Mal just needed one piece of luck to go right. They had even taken on semi-legal work to pay for repairs done on credit on Lilac. They couldn’t afford to burn the folks on that planet. All of these concerns jostled for prominence while Mal tried to ignore the galaxy of fear that the appearance of the strange creature created. Hopefully, the doctor would have good news for him, but he doubted it. Good news was in short supply, and almost never delivered by Simon. Mal pulled Simon aside and spoke in a low tone. 

“Doc? What’s the sitch down here,” 

“Captain...I’m sorry to report, but you have a real, honest, alien on your ship,” Simon said. They both stood there a moment. Mal narrowed his eyes at Simon and then looked over his shoulder at the two. 

“Now what, precisely, am I meant to do with that pronouncement?” Mal said under his breath, scratching his eyebrow to casually block their conversation and then putting his hands on his hips. Simon could only shrug. What else can you do when the impossible walks up and says hello? “Well. I certainly hope our out-world friends are feeling truthsome,” he mumbled. Simon never failed to disappoint. He took two steps towards Julian and Garak. “Alright. I’ve got a ship full of scared, jumpy, heavily armed people who are waiting on answers. Where did you two come from?”

“We were on our way through a wormhole in Bajoran space--a passage through time and space--and I remember...there was a fuzzy crackling sound...and a flash. Suddenly I was waking up in the pilot’s seat hunched over the controls while Garak here was on the floor. Captain, what kind of scanning sensors do you have? Is it too much to hope you picked up any anomalous activity?” 

“We don’t typically go looking for strangeness in the black. It’s my experience strangeness is bound to find us all it's own.”

“I’m not sure what happened. I’m not much of a stellar cartographer. Though if you have star charts, I’d very much like to see them.” 

“How’d you get on my ship?” Mal asked, ignoring Julian’s request completely. 

“We have technology to transport matter from place to place. A particle beam matter transporter.”

“Has this one found his words yet?” Mal asked, pointing to Garak. 

_ “Oh suck my prUt. Julian, let’s get out of here. These yokels couldn’t possibly be of any help,”  _ Garak sneered.  _ “I mean, look at what he’s wearing. This time would be better spent on the runabout using our own scanners.” _

“I’ll take that as a no.” 

“Garak…” Julian was momentarily shocked at his vulgar insult, but then remembered the crew couldn’t understand him. 

“Okay, okay. Ahhh... _ Ech _ ,” Garak pretended to struggle. “I speak a little Standard,” he admitted. His words sounded off to Julian. He realized it was the first he was hearing Garak speak Standard without a translator, he was hearing him speak with a Cardassian accent. It sounded almost like a Russian or Eastern European accent from Earth but with a more growling guttural quality. It was also halting as he searched for the words. It was so different from the sharp clipped canter that the DS9 universal translator produced. Mal set Julian’s bag down and poured out its contents onto the red surgery bed. Julian’s phaser, a PADD, his emergency medical kits, and a tricorder spilled out. 

“Can any of these things get us into your ship?” Mal asked. Julian and Garak shared glances for a moment. “If you don’t tell us, we’ll just blow the doors off.” 

“Ah, that is my...measurement device,” Garak said, casually reaching for the phaser. “How good of you to return-” he wasn’t able to finish before Mal pulled his gun. These people may be coarse, but they weren’t fools.

“None of these devices will open the ship. Only I can access it again,” Julian said. “This is a medical device, and this is...a defensive weapon,” Julian said, handing the phaser over to Mal. Garak’s jaw dropped watching the phaser slip through his fingers yet again. 

“ _ You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, _ ” Garak said, his hands flying to his forehead. He shot Julian a furious look before turning his back on him, trying to control his anger. “ _ What happened to not giving over Federation technology during first contact?!”  _

“I guess I can cancel that spacewalk,” Mal said as he handed the tricorder to Simon and pocketed the phaser for himself. “Shiny. Luckily for the two of you, we happen to have some open bunks right now. So at least we won’t have to lock you in the mess. Jayne? Show Garak to his bunk and stand guard.” 

“I can escort him!” Inara appeared in the doorway of the infirmary. She had witnessed the embrace he had shared with River and had been overcome with emotion, letting silent tears fall away from her warm honey skin and immaculate makeup. She was intensely curious about this creature from another universe. “I mean, he’s a guest, isn’t he? Not a prisoner.” 

“I wouldn’t go so far as a guest but no, no not a prisoner.” Mal nodded. 

“I can help him get accustomed to the ship while Jayne...does his … guarding thing.” 

“Listen I’m sure everyone wants to play with the alien but right now we need to be cautious. We don’t know what they want from us or what harm they can do. You, Bashir, come with us, we’re going to go take a look at that ship of yours.” 

“Uh,” Julian looked at Garak a little alarmed. “Without Garak?” 

“Without Garak, let’s go Doctor.” 

“ _ Doctor you aren’t going to leave me with these roughians are you?”  _

“It’s alright Garak, just, behave yourself. A couple things about Cardassians: He will want to warm up somewhere, they are intensely polite and prim, very suspicious of everyone, rather clever, and, this one anyway, has terrible taste in literature.” 

“ _ Doctor! _ ” 

“I’ll be back, Garak, I can take care of myself. And I know you can do that same. It’ll be alright.” 

Julian, Zoey, and Mal headed out of the infirmary and disappeared back into the ship leaving Garak with this strange crowd of humans staring at him. 

“Mr. Garak?” Inara broke the thick silence that had settled down over the room. She decided to go with what she knew best: hospitality and diplomacy. “Would you like something to eat or drink? 

___________

“The only way onto the Yangtze is via transporter,” Julian said standing, once again, on the bridge looking out on the runabout.

“That blue haze thing? Absolutely not - didn’t you say something about breaking matter down to energy? Nope, I’m not getting scrambled.” 

“Yeah I agree with Zoe, you mean to tell me there ain’t no way onto this thing without pulling us into itty bitty pieces?” 

“I am sorry, but the ship won’t open from the outside. It really is totally safe and painless I can assure you. You saw both myself and Garak use it without harm.” 

There was a beat and then Zoey and Mal looked at one another. There was fear in her eyes and it pushed him into action.

“Zoey, stay here, I’ll be taking this round.” 

“Sir I really need to protest-”

“Let’s go Dr. Jumpsuit!” Mal cut her off, “Do I stand a certain way or …” Julian smiled at Mal as he attempted to strike an appropriate pose, spreading his feet shoulder length apart and nailing his fists to his hips, cutting a dashing figure for something as mundane as a transport.

“Computer, two to beam up.” Julian couldn’t hide the smile in his voice but no one had time to point it out as the world dissolved. 

Almost as soon as the bridge of Serenity was gone it was replaced with the interior of the Yangtze, a mid-sized runabout normally in service on DS9. The place looked clean and organized, professional but not in the sterile way that was the trademark of the Alliance. 

“Open a comm, I wanna let Zoey know I made it.” The comm opened back up with a crackle and then smoothed to a hum.

“Sir?”

“Made it Zoe - it’s really real.” 

“Well, it’s not like it could get any weirder sir.” 

“Roger.” 

Julian cut the comms and started moving around the cabin, tapping the shiny tabletops. Each strike of his finger was rewarded by satisfying beeps and whistles. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’ve been scanning the surrounding space and I’m compiling the data over time. Though our systems report no malfunction it appears there is a plasma injector leak, these subspace particles are .. well we definitely need to try to recreate the accident that got us here soon. Computer? Two raktajinos, 12 ounces, hot, one extra sweet and cream.” A sweet, mellow beep replied and behind Mal two cups of something wonderful appeared on a small well-lit shelf set into the wall. Julian crossed and grabbed the cups, handing the black plain liquid one to Mal as he gleefully sipped his own. 

“Y’all got a coffee machine on the bridge?” Mal sipped the drink, totally forgetting his suspicions in pursuit of a liquid he at least recognized as coffee. Maybe it was the weeks of deprivation but the unusual coffee was sublime, maybe the best thing he’d ever tasted. 

Julian took the opportunity to fire up the emergency first contact primer. The view screen lit up with the face of the charming and friendly man in a red uniform, with a few gold pips studded on his neck. He looked kindly and old. 

“Hello and greetings from the Federation of Planets. My name is Jean Luc Picard and I am pleased to welcome you into the greater galactic community. This step of contact is only the first in a long relationship that will span unimaginable time and distances. We have much to learn from one another. If you are seeing this message, the Starfleet officer you have met is in distress and needs your assistance. These are not the conditions in which we as a species normally initiate first contact, but these are not normal circumstances. What you need to know is that you are not alone. Not anymore. And the universe is bigger than you could possibly imagine. The officer or officers that you have met need you now so please know that we value honesty, loyalty, and friendship as a species and will not harm you-” 

Julian paused the recording, grateful for a pre-recorded emergency first contact message. Mal’s eyes were glassy from watching the Admirals emergency outreach, his Raktajino half gone and his hand shaking slightly. Picard had that effect on people though, you could always feel humanity’s curiosity and wonder in her earnest, measured voice. 

“Listen, Mal, we truly do not belong here but we do not mean anyone any harm. You know what Admiral Picard is saying is true, you are a human being the same as me even though we are from different dimensions, I still know who you are on a fundamental level. I’m going to start gathering some supplies to bring back to your ship.” Julian unpaused the recording and Mal took another gulp of raktijino. 

As Julian collected what medical supplies he could spare he half-listened to Picard's voice going on in the background about Federation history and some basics about humanity. When he got to the part about Earth's location and information, he heard Mal drop his cup to the floor and gasp. 

“Whoa, whoa, Computer stop that, pause, halt.” Mal yelled into the cabin, hoping it worked for anyone. To his relief, the video stopped and in front of him was a 3D star chart indicating the position of planet Earth in the cosmos. 

“Shèng shǐ …”


	3. Earth that Was

Julian and Mal rematerialized back on Serenity to a dark empty bridge. Mal broke into a run as soon as he felt 100% solid, with Julian on his heel. 

“We cannot take the time to go find _your_ Earth. We will give you the information but I need to focus on getting Garak and I back to our lives which would be easier with your help!” 

“Not my goram problem.” He was quickly walking towards the yellow light and low voices of the mess hall dead ahead, heel toe staccato echoing off the metal corridor setting Julian’s teeth on edge. 

He didn’t quite believe the sight he found in the mess. Garak never made it to the quarters. Jayne was nodding off in the corner, slumped over Vera with the safety on, for once. River was pouring tea into a cup set in front of a pile of colorful blankets, scarves, and sweaters while Inara sat smiling at the sight. The pile turned to see the gentleman enter and Jayne’s gun followed it as it moved. 

“Ahh, Doctor Bashir! I am so glad you are safe _,”_ Julian couldn’t tell if his halting speech was laced with sarcasm as anything negative was muffled by the cocoon River had built around him. 

“What’s this?”

“River thought I was cold. _”_

“It helps Kaylee too,” River said absentmindedly draping another scarf on Garak’s colorful cocoon. Kaylee stood in the far corner of the room with her own cup of tea. She watched Garak and River’s interactions closely, her lips a tight line of concern.

“Fine, whatever. I need to talk to Zoe and Wash, they in their bunk?” 

“Yeah, what’s this all about? Is everything ok?” Kaylee asked, looking at Julian with suspicion. 

“It’s better than ok Kaylee and I need Zoe to double guess me and piss on my parade before I do something stupid. Keep an eye on them! We are going to need them!” 

“What is he so happy about?” Garak asked as they watched Mal bound to the crew quarters.

“Apparently, in this reality the coordinates to Earth were long lost...”

“So we...ethz, ahh...that is to say... _So we are in a parallel dimension_ ,” Garak said as he gave up on trying to search for the Standard words. 

“It would seem like it.” 

“ZOE” Mal shouted as he ran down the hall. The hatch to their bunk immediately opened and she emerged half-dressed with her side arm ready.

“What!? Captain?” 

“Woah woah, easy there.”

“Captain! _Hwen Dan,”_ she said, grasping her heart. _“_ It’s not like we’ve had a stressful evening or nothing. What’s all the shouting for?”

“Earth. Earth That Was,” Mal finally gasped out. “I think we can make it out there. It’d take a while and might require an investor and some modifications but-”

“Sir. I am slightly concerned about your brain being...missing.”

“I know, I know it sounds wild but-”

“It’s a fable sir. There’s no going back to Earth That Was. Them that try end up on the drift and just as moony as a Reaver before they expire. We have a plan: get to Hera, unload-”

“I saw it Zoe. I saw it, as clear as anything. I know right where to go. It’s real,” he said. She looked hard at her old friend. He wasn’t one to imagine things, but she also had no map on how to navigate the last few hours. 

“Is...is it safe to come out?” Wash asked through the hatch. 

“Yeah, come on,” Zoe said, lifting the door. She turned back to Mal. “What the hell happened over there?” 

“Come on, both of you,” they rejoined the alien and half the crew in the mess. They were softly talking in the half-light. Kaylee definitely seemed more relaxed with Julian, though that was no mystery as to why. He was resting his chin in his hands, listening to her intently at the table next to his alien friend swaddled in blankets. 

“No one really knows what happened to Earth That Was. Most say something awful terrible,” she whispered, shaking her head. “On Suzhou, where I’m from, people tell a story about a great reckoning. A star burning like a lamp came down and made all the water black and bitter and the sky like iron so nothing could grow again.” 

“So your ancestors had to move on from their burnt out home and make new ones in this star system,” he said thoughtfully. He couldn’t help but be a little sad at the thought of not just a dead Earth, but a forgotten one. The cradle of the only civilization in this universe and it was just gone, and no one knew how. It must have been something truly terrible. In his universe, scientist would never stop until they made it right. Then again, maybe someone did know, maybe just not the crew of this particular ship. 

“Alright, somebody wake up Jayne,” Mal announced. Kaylee leaned over and shook him awake. Mal handed Julian’s PADD back to him. “Doc, show ‘em what you showed me.” 

Julian placed the PADD on the table and played Picard’s message. Everyone gathered around and watched for 45 minutes in dead silence. By the end everyone looked shell shocked. Julian silently rewound the message to the time index that showed Earth’s location. 

“Does that look like anything to any of you?” Mal asked, pointing to the image of the star system. 

“It almost looks like...is that Georgia?” Kalyee asked, pointing towards a small yellow sun in the corner of the map. Julian panned out and showed a familiar grouping of stars. 

“That’s us. Which means this star?” Mal pointed to another insignificant yellow sun, except this one was highlighted on the small digital projection with the name Earth labeled beneath it. “That’s Echo.” 

“Echo? Captain, that’s as close to impossible as can be for us. That’ll take us weeks at full burn, not that Serenity would be able to do that in her current shape!” Wash said. “‘Verse knows what we’d do for fuel and food out there. And should something go wrong? Plus we need to cross a wide band of Reaver territory. No wonder Earth is lost. It’s in the middle of gorram nowhere.” 

“That don’t interest me,” Jayne said, settling back into his corner. 

“But think of the score!” Mal said. 

“Score? So this isn’t about rediscovering humanity’s home?” Julian asked. 

“Oh, Julian,” Garak said. “ _Ever the idealist_.”

“Anything from Earth That Was is worth serious cashy-money on the Core Planets. We could retire on the stuff we find out there.” 

“Now, that does interest me,” Jayne said, sitting up. 

“Wash I want you and Kaylee to start coming up with a plan on how to get there, I’ll work on financing things.” 

“You got money for a whole...new ship?” Wash mumbled, putting his head on the table. 

“Let’s start fresh in the morning. Book’s shuttle should be meeting up with us in 10 hours. You two want to stay aboard? The offer for quarters is still on the table.”

“Offer? Not confinement?” Garak asked. Julian looked surprised. “What? The runabout is so small.” 

“Well our quarters aren’t much, but there’s beds,” Mal confirmed. “Book might know more about how to help you fellas home.”

“What makes you think that?” Julian asked.

“He’s just always sorta...been like that.” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“We need to get back to the runabout - the more time goes by the less we will understand about the phenomenon that brought us here. What if the window has already closed?” Julian asked the Cardassian in the bunk next to his.

“ _Then it’s too late and I become the lone alien in the entire universe and we should get some sleep. If only we had some way to defend ourselves...”_

“The phaser? You’re still mad about that?” 

_“Oh I’m angry at you for a great many things.”_ Garak’s bedding rustled with the sound of him sitting up to get into a proper argument stance. _“Let’s begin with leaving me with them, totally alone, unarmed. That Simon Tam fellow was practically licking his lips when you disappeared. If River hadn’t been there I would have ended up as...samples!”_

_“_ River seems fond of you, what’s that about?” 

_“She’s an empath, and a psychic, extremely powerful. Don’t change the subject. You abandoned me in another universe with no defense, though this one doesn’t seem as bad as I first thought.”_

“You like it here? No warp, no replicators, no Cardassia? ” He exasperatedly asked.

“ _Doctor, unlike you I have nothing to return to, nothing to be excited about, no one to miss me - well, accept whoever is watching me. Actually, with no Central Command and no Obsidian Order, I am free to relax for the first time in… well since I was an adolescent.”_ He heard Garak sigh.

“Come now Garak, you’d be missed on DS9.” Of course Julian would assume he knew best, why he was always right! Garak knew he shouldn’t respond, knew what the next step would be in this game with Julian’s cluelessness.

“ _Doctor, the only person who would miss me is lying in the bunk next to me right now._ ” 

“That’s ridiculous.” Julian deflected. 

Julian really could be too dense for words. Garak hauled himself out of the bunk, suddenly too annoyed to sleep.

“Where are you going?” 

_“I can’t sleep, now that River has told them I am not a threat I want to walk a bit. It’ll help me think and if I find some peace I may be able to sleep.”_ He snapped back as politely as a Cardassian could. 

Garak found himself, after struggling with the door mechanisms for an embarrassingly long time to the point that he was considering aborting his mission when he heard a click and the door released. He spilled into the hallway. 

It was maybe on his 100th cycle of the catwalk hanging above the cargo bay, berating himself for his emotional reaction as well as his feeling for Bashir, that he began to smell incense from … somewhere. He zeroed in on Inara’s shuttle door, the faintest sound of chanting came from the other side of the door. He knew he shouldn’t intrude, he would never dream of breaking a Cardassian’s meditation or a Vulcans, but Inara had said she wished to be accommodating to them. He must’ve walked away and back to the door another 100 times before he gathered the courage to knock. The mantra stopped immediately and after a few breathless heartbeats, the door opened.

She was wrapped in a pale pink velvet robe with wide sleeves and golden tassels that went down to her red brocade slippers. Dark hair spilled around her shoulders, unbound, matched by equally dark large eyes. The scent of incense was strong now and he could see the room behind her was draped with ornate clothes and lit largely by artificial candles rather than straight forward electric light. It was like another world.

"Garak?"

" _I can't sleep."_

"I'm sorry I--" 

"Oh yes, um, I do not have sleep. I was walking and heard you. So I ..." He made a pantomime of knocking on the door and she smiled. 

"Neither could I. Come in, please, Garak, let me get you some tea." She said with a little relieved smile, opening the door further. 

"Thank you, tea would be wonderful." 

"I was hoping to speak with you more, I'm glad you decided to come to see me.” She gestured to the low couch opposite her bed, indicating he should sit. “I'm so curious about you and your homeworld. I suppose we all are." She spoke as she made the tea with such precision to suggest that the creation of a cup of tea was a complicated ritual as well as part of her daily routine. 

“You and River are curious. It seems everyone else has fear.”

"Your appearance would be a bit fear-inducing even on the most sophisticated worlds. What was your planet called again?"

"The Cardassian Union. I am from Cardassia Prime. The empire stretched over many planets and several different star systems." He regurgitated facts about Cardassia as she asked them and the tea slowly brewed. 

"Your English is very good," Inara said. 

"Eng-list?" Garak looked at her confused, "Oh you mean Federation Standard, is it called Eng-list?" 

"English," She said with a smile, "It's one of several languages spoken by people here. One of the languages that survived the Earth that Was." 

"Ah, Earth that Was. Captain wants us to go there rather than help the Doctor and myself home." 

“To be honest Garak, assisting you in getting home to your parallel dimension sounds like it might beyond our... _brave_ Captain’s capabilities,” she poured the pale yellow tea and handed him a perfectly level and still cup. “Do you and Julian have a home together on Cardassia?” 

“Ah, no he and I live on a Federation space station…” he said, feeling his face involuntarily flush. “Separately, about 5.2 light years from Cardassia.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to assume…” she smiled apologetically. “You just seem deeply fond of each other.”

“What makes you say that?” He asked in his most innocent tone of voice. Her large dark brown eyes rimmed in coal black didn’t seem to miss a thing. She certainly wasn’t impressed by his question. He took a deep sip of tea to hide his surprise. Nothing like his favorite Red Leaf, but not unpleasant. For some reason he felt almost immediately calmer. 

“The way you look at each other, the way he talks about you. I’m not sure if the captain told you who I am.”

“River called you something like... diplomat,” he said, returning her smile while his mind raced. 

“She’s sweet. Though that’s definitely not the word the captain would use to describe me. I’m a Companion. We are very well trained in, among other things, relationships and sexuality. Part of that is reading a person,” she said. “Which is also how I know you’re not a tailor.” 

“Oh, no, I am definitely a tailor,” he insisted, perhaps more bitterly than he meant to, and sipped more tea. She had him at a double disadvantage. He wasn’t as cunning in Standard, as it was his sixth language and one he had learned later in life. But he also hadn’t been watching her as closely as she had him. He had been too focused on potential threats, plus maybe his time among such trusting humans had made him complacent around their kind. Julian and his Federation pals were so open that he sometimes forgot humans could be just as wonderfully complicated as Cardassians, at least when they used their imaginations. 

He wondered what other information she was gathering. She must be good to figure out a creature she had never seen before so quickly. Their eyes met for a moment and he searched her face for his own answers, but came up empty. He swirled the last of his tea around in his cup and set it down.

“I should go...my apologies for intruding. Thank you for the tea and loveliness of your company.” 

“You’re welcome any time Garak. I hope you visit me again soon,” she said, her voice as sweet and thick as Kanar. 

Garak dropped through the entrance to the small quarters. In the dim light the skin of Julian’s warm brown back faced him like a slammed door. He breathed deep his scent anyway and listened for a moment to the soft sound of his breath.  _ Julian. Julian. Julian. _ His heart beat thundered in his throat. He was too old to be so tempted. Garak wearily took off his boots and stretched his body out on the other side of the small room. He rested his hands over his head and breathed deep, stretching his awareness into the room. Suddenly, there was a ripple. 

“Garak?” Julian’s back whispered in the dim light. 

“ _ Yes _ ?”

“I’m...I’m sorry for what I said. I’m sorry about earlier...about everything,” Julian said. Garak hoped Julian wouldn’t turn around and tear at his heart any more than he already was. He trained his eyes towards the ceiling, just in case.

“ _ You have nothing to apologize for _ .”

“I do,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean…”

“It’s nothing, doctor. Already forgotten,” Garak said. “Goodnight.”

“...Goodnight, Garak,” Julian said, and pulled his blanket over his shoulders.


	4. Complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff keeps getting worse - but this story keeps getting better. Dig in.

The next morning Garak and Julian sat disheveled and bleary eyed in the mess while Shepherd Book calmly and silently regarded them. Inara had put out tea and what they called “protein poppers” that tasted like eating the stuffing inside of a chair before returning to her shuttle as Book wanted to speak to the strangers alone. Julian promised they’d head back to the runabout’s replicator and blow these poor spacefarers’ minds for lunch. 

“So...you’re a Shepherd? A lot of calls for animal herding in space?” Julian asked. 

“That’s one way to look at it. I’m a member of a religious order.”

_ “How is a Vedek supposed to help us get home…”  _ Garak asked, rolling his eyes. “ _ Will I ever be able to escape religiosity? _ ” 

“Garak is unsure if you’ll be able to help us,” Julian translated. 

“I might, actually,” Book said. He held out Julian’s tricorder. “I had to wrestle this...thing from Simon, he was so smitten with it. He’d never seen technology like this before. But I have.” 

“What?” Julian asked. Garak’s eyes widened. 

“This is highly classified intelligence, it’s why I wanted to speak to you alone,” Book poured himself another tea and leaned back. Garak perked up at the mention of classified intelligence. Now they were speaking his language, even if they couldn’t understand him. “They told you all about Earth That Was?”

“We know it was lost, and that they want to try and get there. Otherwise they speak of Earth as if it were a legend,” Julian said. 

“Earth wasn’t lost. It was destroyed. A calamity, caused by a race of beings from another planet,” Book said. Julian and Garak exchanged shocked glances. 

“How do you know this?”

“The Alliance has kept this information quiet for the good of its citizens for centuries. So much was lost in the exodus to the ‘Verse. I recognized this,” Book turned the tricorder’s language setting to Vulcun “as markings I’ve seen on artifacts from the event.”

“Vulcan? There must be some mistake…”

“I have no idea how to read any of this language. No one does. The truth when our ancestors were in contact with Earth by the time we realized something was wrong, years had passed. It took more precious years to reach Earth. Much of what happened has been lost even to those of us with access to Alliance records,” Book admitted. He was speaking in hushed tones now. 

“Are there more artifacts like these here in this system?” Julian asked.

“Yes, but completely under lock and key I’m afraid, after thorough examination and study.”

“Where did the Alliance get them?” Garak asked.

“The ones who managed to return brought the artifacts, as well as the story of what they’re parents saw.”

“ _ Generational ships _ ?” Garak said and Bashir translated.

“It was a long time ago. Ten ships went out, only two ever returned. The trip to and from Earth took 50 years back then. When they did get back there was a long enough time of not being able to return that we lost that tenuous thread to home.” 

“I can’t believe this,” Julian said quietly and covered his mouth. 

“Are you alright, son?” Book said, finally noticing Julian’s distress.

“The humans I have met have a strong connection to Earth,” Garak explained. “Even ones like Julian who choose a life of space exploration.” 

“To me, it’s ancient history but to you, it just happened. I’m sorry.” 

“In our reality, the Vulcans become our closest ally and we bring together dozens of species for scientific exploration of the cosmos…”

Book gave Garak an incredulous look, which Garak returned. Peaceful exploration of the cosmos indeed. The Federation had militarily subdued its neighbors, but now was not the time to point out the many similarities between the Federation and the Cardassian Union. It usually ended with defensive yelling from Bashir’s quarter. 

“Technology we need is there,” Garak said. ”If we got lost with Chief O’Brien, maybe... But a doctor? A tailor? I know enough to know we need at least a warp core to get home.” 

“Woah, woah, is that really the plan? To go back to Earth,” Book asked, backing away from the table slightly. “Because a warning was handed down as well. Those Generational ships weren’t lost for no reason. It’s not safe to return.” 

“I do not think captain is interested in “safe,” Garak said. 

“It would take Serenity months to even reach the system. You’d run out of fuel before you got there,” Book shook his head. 

“What about the runabout, doctor? Doctor?” Garak shook Julian out of his reverie. 

“I’m sorry, what’s that?” Julian asked. 

“The runabout, what if we can extend our warp field around Serenity?”

“Yeah, maybe. I’ll have to figure some things out with Kaylee but we could pull it off.”

“Let’s go over to the Yangtze and see what we can do. Maybe replicate these people some real fake food,” Garak said, picking up a protein popper and letting it drop with an unappetizing thud on the table. It was enough of a distraction to allow Garak to immediately swipe Julian’s tricorder off the table before Book had a chance to grab it. 

“Oh and thank you for returning our Tricorder, Shepherd,” Garak said with a smile, tossing it to Julian, who caught it with a slight smile of his own. “It will make our work much easier.” 

______

The runabout was an unwelcome sight for sore eyes. It felt cramped and Garak could actually feel tendrils of fear at the nape of his neck but they were quickly batted away. Julian and he took turns using the sonic shower and changing clothes in the cramp space. Garak set about replicating food from a long list the crew had given him while Julian formulated a plan to combine the two ships. Very specific requests in some cases that would only receive an approximation. 

“Pickled eggs,  _ jian bing guo zi, _ jar of peanut butter, chocolate, steak and potato, fried chicken, chocolate malt? They do know they can have anything right _?”  _

“Oh? And what would you order?” 

“I’m not a deprived human, I think the question is what would you order?” Garak quipped over his shoulder and then immediately regretted it as Julian paused his work and dropped his shoulders. 

“They - they didn’t even know where Earth was located. It was a myth. What are we going to find there?” 

“Don’t worry about the future like that Doctor,” Garak said as he typed in the crew's orders, trying to sound sympathetic and comforting. “It takes you too far from the present in a crisis situation like this, trust me.” 

“This might work but it’s going to be a very bumpy ride for Serenity, there is so only so much I can do to compensate especially without shielding. We can’t extend both, maybe if we were a star ship.. this would all be so much better if they were football shaped.” He muttered this last bit to himself. “

“What are the odds it will work Doctor?”

“Somewhere near 30/70.”

“Well, this certainly is macabre,” Garak said, setting another chocolate malt, topped in whipped cream and a bright cherry, down on a cart they had pulled out for this purpose. “I feel like I am serving them their last meal.” 

“Sounds more like their first meal in a long time. Anyway, don’t give up hope yet,” Julian said.

“You have enough hope for the both of us, I suspect,” Garak said absentmindedly as he replicated more and more food.

“Did uh...did Inara, request anything, by chance?” Julian tried his best to ask while casually stuffing PADDS and tools into a bag. 

“She did indeed, naan bread, a curry dish and something called Gulab Jamun, which the computer tells me are honey-soaked cakes...and apparently honey is the preserved food created on Earth by the regurgitation of small stinging winged insects...yeesh.” 

“Alright alright, save your judgements. She’s a fascinating woman…”

“Oh, you have no idea doctor,” he smiled, remembering her particular insight, as well as her smile, her grace, and the offer of more company. 

“What do you mean…” Julian asked. 

“Let’s throw some healthier options in there, why not,” Garak turned his knowing smile to Julian through the haze of steaming food. Garak replicated fresh fruit as Julian stood there with a mixture of suspicion and jealousy on his face. He wondered who Julian might be feeling jealous of in this scenario.  _ He probably doesn’t even know,  _ Garak realized.

“Listen, let me bring Inara the dessert, at least.”

“My apologies Doctor, but the Companion Inara has actually invited me to have dessert with her in her shuttle, I’m afraid your presence might make things awkward,” Garak said lightheartedly, fitting a bottle in between the steaks and steaming fried potatoes.

“Companion? Wait, is that Kanar?” Julian asked. 

“Very astute, doctor. Computer, two to beam to Serenity, as well as the cart.”

They materialized in the mess. The entire crew had gathered around as an absolute feast appeared magically before their eyes. It had been weeks of cheap, passable food in settlements on the Rim and sad protein based fare on the ship. They’d occasionally find fresh food while traveling, but it was rare and expensive and didn’t last long. Even some of the poor souls trying to scrap a living from the rocks they visited were eating protein mash, the same as them. And then there was the problem of actually cooking. If they had tomatoes, they didn’t have onions and garlic. If they had bao makings, they had nothing to fill it with. Julian watched all of their eyes light up, even River’s and felt a pang. He was already starting to feel for each member of the crew and appreciate them as individuals. Their obvious deprivation pained him as they descended on the food. He had brought over ship schematics as well as medical supplies, one to keep Kaylee busy and the other to hopefully keep Simon busy. He didn’t imagine anyone here would pass a physical. 

The meal quickly turned into a celebration. The recreated fruit and vegetables were better than some of them had ever had in their lives. Everyone shared meals and shoveled food onto plates. Piles of mashed potatoes disappeared, snotapple and dragon fruit were cracked open and greedily slurped up, meat was chopped and shoved onto waiting plates. Jayne pulled out a ceramic jug from his bunk of some kind of alcohol that gave off a sharp, chemical smell and passed it around. They began laughing and shouting and telling stories about times and places he couldn’t begin to comprehend. They were all so human and cared so much for each other. It was like the late night study sessions he had with friends back at the academy.  _ Or a family _ , Julian thought.  _ A family that actually likes each other _ . It reminded him of dinners the senior officers had started having once a week in Captain Sisko’s quarters, only much  _ much _ drunker and with somehow more sordid tales of crimes and near misses. While everyone was getting well and truly sauced he couldn’t help but notice Garak and Inara had disappeared. He refused to get upset. What was the sense in chasing after a woman he barely knew and Garak of all people. If she was so enchanted by Garak, let her have him. 

“And then! And then! Captain had to give back all the stuff we’d got anyway, while buck naked…” Kaylee shouted, but peels of laughter seized her. 

“Wait, so you’re...thieves?” Julian asked. Everyone gathered around the table made non-committal sounds, except Jayne, who nodded emphatically. Zoe smacked his arm. 

“More like mercenaries,” Jayne replied, which definitely sounded worse than thieves, and earned Jayne another smack.

“Not all the time, sometimes they’re the good guys. We take what work we can get. Tell us about the Federation. You’re not robbers, I take it?” Simon asked. 

“I liked to think not, though opinions differ. We are explorers, scientists. We want to understand the universe. And stuff like slipping into a different dimension or looking for long-lost planets, well. That’s just part of the job description.”

“You’re Feds. Feds ain’t good guys,” Jayne said dismissively. The laughter quieted down as they all watched for Julian’s response. 

“We’re very different from your Alliance. We don’t want to control anyone.” 

He took a swig from Jayne’s painful jug when it came to him. The liquor was momentarily blinding and only managed to keep it down with a tearful gulp Numbness didn’t seem like such a bad idea, all of the sudden. The laughter started up again, their smiling faces were all warm and laughing in the low light of the mess. His head swam from the drink as he got Mal’s attention and led him away from the din of the impromptu party.

“We want to help you get to Earth,”

“WHAT!” he shouted in drunken joy. “Ah, that’s, that’s so great!”

“Shhh. Captain, let Kaylee and I make sure it’s even possible before we announce it to the crew. I’d hate to let them down.” 

“Ohhhhh, you’re right, you’re right. Damn doc. Sorry, I’m full as a tick and twice as jumpy, as my ma would say. I mean, we were going to go without you anyway, but your pieces of pretty are going to make this whole damn expedition so much easier,” Mal swung an arm drunkenly around Julian’s neck. “I could kiss you and your lizard friend...where he at anyway?” 

At the height of the shouting and laughter, Gark and Inara slipped out with. He brought a few Cardassian sweets and his half-empty bottle of unfortunately replicated Kanar. He was certain she wouldn’t like it, but she had happily drunk it all afternoon after turning down Jayne’s jug. She had also offered him--and only him--a small cake baked with an intoxicant known as hashish. After they had shared these in secret she took his hand to get a little peace and quiet away from the madness in the mess. After witnessing the starved crew’s mad dash towards the food, he was ready for a break as well. She pressed his hand warmly as she led him away from the celebration and into the quiet cargo bay. Her laughter sounded like bells as she gracefully led him up the catwalk to her shuttle, still holding his hand, he noticed.

“I haven’t seen them this rowdy in a long time,” she said, flashing him her brilliant smile as she opened the door. “You two are a blessing.”

“Happy to serve,” he swung the bottle of Kanar like a bell in his other hand. They fell laughing into her shuttle as she pried open the container of Cardassian sweets. 

“Mmm, these are great,” Inara said, her eyes shining as she chewed.

“Well they aren’t soaked in insect vomit, but I suppose they’ll do,”

“Haha, what?”

“Nevermind,” he laughed, waving it away. Feeling particularly bold, he swept some of her dark hair back from her eyes. She met his gaze unflinching. She was an incredible woman, self assured and unafraid, but there was something else; a desperate loneliness he understood all too well. He wanted to take that emptiness from her. 

“Why, Mr. Garak from Cardassia, I...was starting to think I wasn’t your type,” she said in a low voice. She stepped closer. 

“If I had a type, a brilliant woman like you would certainly be included,” he murmured, slipping a hand to the small of her back. Her body was so warm against his. Humans really were wonderfully inviting creatures. Her gold silk robes slipped cooly and deliciously through his fingers as he lifted her slightly for a kiss. His mouth on hers, breathing in her warmth. Her thick curls of hair gave off the sweet sacred smell of her meditation incense as he ran his hand through it. Her small hands lightly ran across his chest and ridges as their kiss deepend. She pulled away his collar and pressed one warm fingertip into the spoon of his  _ chula _ . She had no idea what she was doing of course, it was innocent to her but the touch sent a shock of pleasure through his system and caused him to suck in air and shut his eyes. 

“Oh, was that…”

“Good, yes.” he answered with a little nervous laugh. He couldn’t remember the last time someone was this close to him and even longer since someone had touched him without malicious intent. It made every sensation feel exaggerated and he was embarrassed to realize he had immediately become slick with anticipation. “I have to admit Inara, it’s… it has been a long time since I’ve-” She put a finger to his lips.

“Do you have any more of these?” She caressed his  _ chula _ , rubbing the ridges with her fingertips until Garak practically purred. She stood on her tip toes and kissed Garak lightly along his chin, sliding her hot hands into his shirt on the hunt for more surprisingly sensitive spots. He covered her mouth again with his own as he slid her fine wrappings from her shoulders. Their kissing became more passionate and Garak’s cool leathery hands began to explore her body, so warm to the touch. Her nimble hands were working his clothing when three steady knocks echoed off the walls of the shuttle. 

When Mal had realized who else was missing at their impromptu party he went from morose to pissed off in a few moments. Julian watched his expression turn from confusion to disbelief to anger in the blink of an eye. 

“I’m going- oh ho ho hoo,” Mal took another swig from the jug, a bitter smile on his face. “I’m going to do something stupid if Inara is in her shuttle with that… thing…” 

“He’s not a  _ thing, _ he’s a -” Julian wasn’t able to finish his lesson on xenophobia because Mal peeled off without warning, marching towards the cargo bay and Inara’s shuttle. Julian almost didn’t follow and let Garak get what was coming to him, but no. No he couldn’t’ let his friend and only other person with knowledge about their dimension get beaten to death by a jealous lover. He shared a look with the other Doctor, Simon, one that said that the sickbay may have a few inhabitants soon before he followed after him.

Mal approached the door and pounded with the side of his fist three times and awaited the response. He didn’t have to wait long as Inara threw the door open. Her face was flushed and hair was uncharacteristically mussed. She had managed to pull on a thin black robe to confront Mal, but nothing else. He spotted Garak behind her, closing up his shirt, her lipstick smeared on his neck ridges and clenched his fist. 

“Captain Renyolds, please leave.” She almost lost control of the volume of her voice but was able to maintain her professional tone with the usual emotional shake she could never seem to learn to suppress. Her perfume was just getting to reach him now and Mal struggled to keep his attention on her and not her bare legs. 

“Just making sure that you’re ok - “ 

“Of course,” She replied sarcastically, “You are just protecting me, is that what you are doing?” 

“Well, yeah, I-” 

“We’re fine. Go back to the mess.” 

Julian hung back a bit and listened to their back and forth, waiting for anything to get out of control. He thought he’d feel more jealousy that Garak had Inara and not him, but instead he felt a strange sense of betrayal from Garak. He tried to push it aside but it kept nagging him. It was at that awkward moment that Mal remembered Julian’s presence.

“Doctor! Doctor - tell Inara she can’t fuck that alien fella,” Mal grabbed Julian from his spot leaning against the wall and out of sight and dragged him into the fray. 

“Wh-what?” 

“Inara- tell her - she can’t have sex with someone... like him because of biology and such. Go on.” 

“ _ Oh yes Doctor, please explain the dangers of Cardassian sexual organs to these people, I’ll wait.” _

“Uh, Garak - don’t you think this is a bad idea? I mean - this is first contact, this isn’t very becoming.” 

“ _ Why in the world not? Wasn’t your Captain Kirk renowned for precisely that? And weren’t you trying to sleep with her as well or was desert just desert?”  _ Garak asked, the question made Julian’s face burn but at least Inara couldn’t understand it. 

“Hey speak English or … Mandarin but real slowly,” Mal demanded. 

“Garak, I must insist--” 

“Oh must you?” Inara answered back before slamming the door shut in both men’s stunned faces. Garak was still a moment as she paced the room a bit, waiting for her anger to burn off. When she finally sat down on a nearby couch Garak approached her and placed his hands on her shoulders. 

“I’m so sorry about that,” she finally said. 

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault...and I can’t blame your captain too much.”

“I can.  yī dà tuó dà biàn ,” 

“You know how he feels about you.” Garak responded and felt Inara’s shoulders tighten under his hands, she was quiet for a moment. 

“He doesn’t know what that means, he has no idea who I truly am. It’s best to keep it that away,” Garak’s heart ached, he could have easily said the same thing about Bashir. If they really wanted to protect the ones they loved, the ones foolish enough to love them back, they would leave. Neither of them could leave though, they were too painfully attached to people they didn’t dare love. 

Garak sat down next to Inara and took her hands in his.

“They looked so wounded,” Inara said quietly. It hung in the air between them. 

“Bashir would rather it was him in here with you,” Garak said.

“That is probably what he’s telling himself. He’s so clueless isn’t he?” she leaned against Garak, her warm body settling into his as she wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He buried his face into her thick dark hair. “What is it that keeps you apart?” 

“My dear, it is very complicated. I’d rather not think about him while here with you.” 

“You will anyway,” she said, sweetly kissing his wrist. He sighed. 

“Our people were at war with one another until recently. I live on the space station under his people as an exile from my homeworld, surrounded by former enemies.” 

“Sounds very complicated for a tailor,” she said.

“I was...I am a dangerous man to get close to. Also, you know, he does not see me as I see him.” 

“Living in your own loneliness near him is better than the alternative. No wonder I was drawn to you.”

“I’m used to being alone. What about you and the Captain?” 

“It’s...very complicated,” she said with a laugh. “Like right now, I’m worried I hurt him, but I could also launch him out the airlock so much as look at him.” 

“Complicated,” Garak agreed.

Julian and Mal both stood shocked for a moment. The whole ship was suddenly quiet. Everyone had noticed the energy had shifted and tried to scramble away from whatever uncomfortable scene was about to play out. Wash and Zoe slunk off to their own bunk to sleep off the booze, Jayne was fast asleep with his face on the table, and Kaylee had gathered up all the schematics to her hammock in the engine room, while Simon drunkenly hung around trying to distract her. He usually had no problem holding her attention, especially when he was handsy and drunk, but the engineering challenge was just too fascinating. 

“I can’t believe this,” Mal muttered on the catwalk. Julian was shaking his head in shock as well. 

“Me neither,” 

“What does she see in that…”

“Don’t, don’t do it again Captain. Don’t call him a thing,” Julian said angrily, cutting him off. Mal rounded on him, setting his jaw. Julian was sure Mal was going to take a swing at him and he all but dared him to do it as his body involuntarily squared up, but the Captain took a moment to process the situation and blinked.

"You and I, we seem to be awful torn up about similar things here. But we ain't mad at each other," Mal lowered his voice and pointed at Julian's chest "So I will let that slide but that's the last time you tell me what to do on my damn boat." 

_ What am I mad about _ ? Julian wondered, totally disarmed when he was so ready to do something stupid. Mal took Julian's confused silence as acceptance and stalked away, looking to finish off whatever liquor he could find aboard. Julian slowly walked down the catwalk. He hadn’t noticed River standing in the middle of the cargo area. She swung her arms around like a child, watching her red silk skirt sway in the light. 

“You have a heart with lonely and greedy demands,” she said.

“What was that, River?”

“He read you for some kind of poem,” she said absentmindedly. She craned her neck to look to the exposed steel beams of the hull, her eyes rolling as she did and then back at Julian. “Stumbling words at the bar. Lunch on the first day of the week,” she said as if that was enough of an explanation. 

“River?” Kaylee asked from behind Julian. “Everything alright?” 

“ What a waste,” she said directly at Julian with a smile over her shoulder. She slowly traced large graceful circles on the floor with her toe as Kaylee passed Julian and took her hand. 

“Come on River. I finally got your lightweight brother to bed. You wanna help me pick up the mess?”

“I’ll help too,” Julian said. He followed them to the mess. The only sound now was Jayne, still out cold on the kitchen table, snoring away with his hand still resting on a now mostly empty jug. River wandered away from the sink immediately and began carefully arranging a pile of blueberries on the table according to a standard only she could see. She rested her face on one of her knees, and gently rolled each blueberry carefully into rows with her index finger. In between handing dirty dishes to Kaylee, Julian watched her closely. There was something so familiar about the way she spoke and moved--as if she was a victim of failed genetic manipulation. Maybe he could help her, reach her in a way Simon hadn’t been able to yet. 

_ How very like me, to immediately jump to someone else’s problems rather than focus on my ow _ n, he thought. River met Julian’s eyes and simply nodded and rolled a single blueberry towards him with her index finger as if to reward him for his flash of insight. She then promptly went back to ignoring him. 

“Kaylee, what can you tell me about River?” he kept his voice low as he dried the dishes and stacked them back into their cabinets. Kaylee smiled at him, wrist deep in soapy water and shook her head. 

“She can hear everything you’re saying  _ and _ thinking doc. No need to whisper. From what Simon told me the Alliance had its scientists cut up her brain to try to ...weaponize her. They’ve been on the run ever since.” 

“Your Alliance did that to her?”

“Yep. They don’t care about normal people like you and me Doc. Well, like me anyway. We’re just gears in the engine to them. You squeak or stutter, and they just replace the bad part. River and Simon, they came from a powerful family, now look at ‘em. Who knows what would have happened to River when they were through with her.”

“Do you think she’d let me…?” He held up his medical tricorder. 

“Best to ask Simon about that...when he dries out that is.” 

“Simon, yes, I was hoping you and Simon would work together on the engine schematics - engineering has as much to do with moving parts as quantum physics when it comes to this kind of work, he seems like he could help you a great deal.” Julian thought the comment was innocuous but a big irrepressible smile bloomed across her face and stayed there while she cleaned dishes. 

“Well if you think that’s the best Doctor Bashir then I’ll be sure to work with Simon.” 

“And I’ll be sure to let him know.” Julian smiled. 


	5. Hera

The guest quarters were still dark by the time Julian lumbered to bed. It stung to see the empty bunk beside him and now he was left alone, in the dark, trying to avoid his feelings for Garak as much as possible. When had those popped up? Sometime after the few dozen or so lunches they shared and the removal of the wire implanted in his brain probably. He had first noticed his feelings for Garak when he was caring for him but just dismissed them as pity and empathy for his patient’s suffering. Untended, that seed had grown in the shadow of Julian’s ignorance and was too strong now to root out, try as he may. Chasing after Garak didn’t seem like the answer either. That rejection would be enormously painful. Did Cardassians even accept homosexual relationships? Sleep evaded him and he tossed and turned until Garak returned to their bunk the next morning. 

Julian was already up and was finishing dressing in rough, replicated, civilian clothing. They shared a guilty glance and a strange silence as Garak moved about the room gathering his own items to start the day. What was there to say? Julian worried the door was closed to him just as he was figuring things out. 

“Uh, I’m going to attempt to pilot the runabout into the cargo bay. Kaylee and I are going to get to work on trying to combine the two ships before they do their...business on Hera,” he tried to keep to the duties of the day but his misery was leaking through in everything he did. “And I’m...sorry, about yesterday.”

“ _ Not something that needs to be a sticking point between friends, Doctor, _ ” Garak said cheerfully. It was the first time Julian noticed that Garak called him Doctor when trying to distance himself from him.  _ “I’m of course happy to help in any way I can to get us home. _ .. _ are you not wearing your uniform?” _

“No, no need here,” he stared forward.

“ _ Doctor _ ?” he asked, with a measure of shock. Julian didn’t answer,  _ couldn’t _ answer. There was nothing to say. He was sure he could smell her incense in the room, and suddenly felt like he couldn’t breath. Where had this depth of feeling come from? Was it always there? Julian silently turned to the ladder that led out of their quarters, but Garak spoke before he could pull himself up. 

“ _ Julian, I _ -.” 

“Garak, please. Let’s just get through today,” Julian said. Shit, he didn’t mean to be so obvious and could practically feel Garak’s surprised expression burning into his back. Before he had the opportunity to say anything Julian escaped out of the room leaving Garak alone. 

When he reached the top of the ladder River was waiting, she appeared from around a bulkhead just as he shut the hatch behind him. Julian jumped when he saw her but she just shook her head in silent disappointment at him and then turned, leading the way into the mess. Kaylee and Simon were at the table which was covered in technical drawings spotted with rings from the  _ real _ coffee that Julian had brought on board from the runabout. Simon had a cup of real coffee in his hands as Kaylee administered over the papers, gesturing with the schematics PADD Julian had lent her. 

“Mornin’ Julian!” Kaylee cherrily addressed him. 

“You certainly are...awake. I thought you’d be worse for wear this morning?”

“Oh, well, Simon gave us both IVs this morning after I woke him up. I was just too excited! I couldn’t sleep! I was hoping you’d let me be in the Yangtze with you when you fly her into serenity? I would love to see how she handles.” 

“Um… of course…” A hot cup of coffee was shoved into his hand from Mal who gave him a sympathetic look. They both appeared how they felt - exhausted from a sleeplessness night torturing themselves. Julian gratefully took a huge sip. 

“No time like the present,” Mal said grimly. He had a hangover on top of his heartache. “Jayne’s got everything synched down in the cargo bay. We’re already a few days late getting to Hera. Let’s put this patch behind us.” 

Julian and Kaylee finished their coffee and beamed to the Yangtze once Wash was up and at the helm. Kaylee let out a squeal of delight after rematerializing in the ship and then stared wide-eyed. She was an engineering master it seemed, and probably would have made a great addition to O’Brien’s team back home. 

“She’s beautiful. You didn’t warn me she’d be this beautiful,” she ran her hand over the glass touch screens and pristine plastic panels. She quickly found the release for a panel and popped it off, revealing threads of glowing wire and neat rows of isolinear chips. She just stared, dumbstruck. 

“You want me to work on this ship and hacker her up? Are you sure about that?”

“I want you to do what you have to do to get us home. I trust you. Engineering isn’t exactly my strong suit, but I’m no slouch either. We’ll figure it out together.” 

“I don’t know how we’re going to put the two together. She’s in a whole different league, way, way ahead of Serenity.” 

“It might not work, but we’ll try everything until we’re sure,” he said. He flew the shuttle around to the back of Serenity and let the computer fit itself within the tight space of the cargo bay. It silently executed the maneuver within millimeters. The whole operation took only a few minutes before the bay was pressurized once again. He figured it was as close to boring a maneuver as he could come up with, but Kaylee was besides herself. The whole crew was now able to check out the ship up close now, but Kaylee watched all of them closely, especially Jayne, who had a tendency to both break things and steal things. They were still a little more than a day away from Hera, and she planned to study every inch of this ship. 

Inara watched it all from the catwalk, once air had returned to the cargo bay. It was probably best to make herself scarce from at least Mal’s line of sight, but she couldn’t help enjoy Kaylee’s excitement. The small ship was certainly something else. Mal strode in 25 ft below her, doing his best to avoid looking to her usual spot while Julian and Kaylee were discussing how the power systems worked in the Yangtze and how Serenity might work to boost its capabilities.

“We’re about a day’s hard burn to Hera gang. We’ll be able to supply and fuel up there. Kaylee, you know I don’t like spending a lot of time on this world, so i want you to come up with a list of things we might need from the salvage to make this whole scheme work and we’ll send it on ahead.”

“Captain, we ain’t got any credits. Most of our take is spoken for with our debt on Lilac.”

“Well that’s where you come in doc. You got any pieces of pretty on that boat you willing to be separated from?” 

“Well...that’s going to be a problem, captain. It’s against Starfleet regulation to introduce our technology out into a new civilization like that.”

“Oh yeah? What do you call all this then?” Mal motioned around the cargo bay. 

“Captain Renyolds, none of this fine Starfleet material will be remaining in your universe, or in your hands, should we be successful in our goal of getting back home. But if something like the replicator or the medical tricorder falls into the wrong hands, I’d be responsible for irrevocably altering your reality in ways we can’t possibly foresee.” 

“What if we use the replicator to replicate something they might need down on Hera.”

“Depends on what. A lot of items, or something very complex, would take a lot of energy and matter and we’re going to need what we have to maintain both a warp field and enhance Serenity's structural integrity. No more banquets in our future, I’m afraid.”

“Yeah well after seeing what comes of them I ain’t all that eager to relive it anyway. Say, your lizard sweetie have any cash? Seems like he didn’t have to pay for last night’s entertainment,” Mal said bitterly. Julian looked confused for a moment. A  _ companion,  _ Garak had called her. A professional companion. Ah. Julian tried hard not to judge alien societies. She didn’t seem abused or exploited, in fact she seemed to live better than any of them. She didn’t seem forced into her career choices. Maybe he didn’t understand how things worked here, but he understood prostitution could be a brutal way of life in some societies. Perhaps she was more of a courtesan. Mal hadn’t been eager to tell anyone on the crew what had happened last night, but they all knew it involved those two--it usually did. 

“What about a simple chemical like….ammonium nitrate?” Mal said. 

“Fertilizer?” 

“It’s an agro world Doc. A dusty one, but one that grows a lot of the food in this system. They’re always looking for more of the stuff.” 

“Yes, I think we should be able to replicate that in large quantities without too much trouble. I...hope you’ll allow me to come with you. This might be my only chance to see one of your worlds.” 

“I ain’t got time to babysit another pretty boy egghead. I already got one of those. You can change what you’re wearing all day, doesn’t make you a roughneck.”

“Captain I have my own particular traits that I believe will prove quite useful. I am a Starfleet officer trained in hand to hand combat after all.” 

“Go help Simon check out the crew with your new fancy gadgets. I’ll think on it,” Mal said. He couldn’t help but growl at everyone who came near him that day. Wash had them dead on track to go to his least favorite world in the ‘Verse on little to no sleep and a sore heartache. He knew taking this job would be tough, but he was hoping to face it in a better mood. Instead he was itching for a fight. He glanced up, a slave to muscle memory, to catch sight of Inara on the catwalk. She was cool but not unkind and returned his look with a slight nod of acknowledgement.  _ The sooner I get these two off my boat the better _ , he thought as he watched her turn away. 

_______

With the majority of the crew occupied with modifications to both ships, Garak assumed he was alone. With a hot redleaf tea fresh from the replicator before it was turned over to churn out hundreds of pounds of fertilizer, he settled at the mess table with his PADD and was in the middle of an Earth classic that Bashir had insisted be their next read when Book, the shepherd, sat down with his own paper volume across from him.

They sat in silence reading for perhaps an hour before Book interrupted him. 

“I hate to pry…”

“Pry?”

“I mean, I do not mean to bother you, but I’m curious, what are you reading?” 

“It’s an Earth novel Dr. Bashir insisted I read.  _ Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy _ by John le Carré'. He said it might help me understand his enjoyment of “spy novels,” but they never get it right do they?” Garak smiled at Book’s momentary confusion but then watched him relax his facial expression, preparing to lie. 

“I wouldn’t know.” 

“Oh? So in this universe all …  _ vedecks _ have top secret information about a Vulcan attack from Earth’s long distant past?” Garak asked pleasantly, setting his PADD down on the table to turn his full attention to Book. This was a move Book was not fully prepared for, he had only encountered Garak once before and briefly and the intense blue of his stare shook him. He recovered though without too much of a show and steeled himself.

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Book said, his smile growing as he finished the passage while lifting his Bible. The quote was a cover for his obvious body language. He must have had it memorized for situations where he’s transparent to another professional. 

“A ‘no’ would suffice, so you are just a simple shepherd?” 

“And you’re a tailor?” Book asked, eyebrow crooked. “Do Starfleet officers usually bring their tailors when exploring space?”

“Fair enough, was that a quote from your holy book?” 

“Yes, it’s called the Bible - have you run into it before?”

“Dr. Bashir has mentioned it, it has quite the reach when it comes to influencing Earth literature. I’ve never read it and I doubt Dr. Bashir has either - religion has been more or less eliminated from modern societies.” Garak dismissed it with a flick of his wrist and picked his own PADD back up, pretending to shift his focus. “So which were you?” 

“I’m sorry?”

“Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy - we know which two catagories I belong to - which other’s apply to you? Fake  _ vedek  _ isn’t an option - well, I didn’t  _ think  _ it was but different standards I suppose.” Garak’s sarcasm was jarring again but Book only smiled and crossed his arms, leaning back from the table.

“Why are you so keen on knowing?” 

“I don’t trust so easily - especially people like you. I don’t think the people on this ship should trust you either.” Garak was getting attached to the crew. It was easy to do, they seemed so innocent compared to the monsters he dealt with in his own universe or even the slightly hardened humans he had encountered. “Simon made it clear I represent a scientific breakthrough - and finding the Earth that Was? Truly extraordinary. You get to be in the center of it. What does that mean for the Alliance I wonder?”

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” Book quoted again and this time the words seemed like a punch in the gut. “They love me, and I love them - there is no fear in love. I’ve proven myself and they've proven themselves over and over again. All creatures deserve that love.” He said looking down at the floor tapping his fingers on the cover of the bible. The smell of rosewater wafted down the hallway and they both realized that Inara’s door had opened and she was, most likely, heading their way. 

“Do Cardassians believe in God?” Book asked, looking off to something...the wall most likely. 

Garak looked at him affronted. The question was most likely meant to keep him off balance as well. Not even among humans would he think that such intimacy was  _ normal _ . 

“My people eliminated the old ways, same as the Federation. Seems that when society moves forward, Gods are left behind.” That was all he had to know - especially since the story of devotion to the State hung dangerously close to his history as an exile in this conversation. 

“But you, personally, do you believe in God?” 

“I’ve never thought about it but if I had to say… no.” 

“Garak, this God offers forgiveness, forgiveness for men like us - maybe look into it.” Book slid the bible towards but before he could leave Garak stopped him and handed it back. 

“Book, I don’t deserve forgiveness, neither do you, and I will not trick myself into thinking otherwise. It’s too easy.” 

“Faith is rarely easy.” Book countered.

“Damn impossible … for some.” Garak countered and continued to hold the Bible back out to Book until he took it. “Besides, I doubt you have a  _ khardasi _ translation.” He smiled, “Does the Alliance require you to convert everyone you meet?” Garak refused this enlightening discussion to be hijacked by religion of all things. 

“ _ Everyone.”  _ River’s voice popped up from the dark doorway in  _ khardasi _ but neither man showed any surprise. “ _ You two are the only ones who don’t jump.”  _

_ “It’s because we knew you were there the whole time little mouse. You aren’t as clever as you think. Shouldn’t you be helping with the shuttle?”  _

_ “Declared a hindrance and banished...” _

_ “I’m about to do the same. Scoot. _ ” 

“Did that make sense on your end?” Book asked Garak looking between the two. 

“As much as anything ever does.” Garak replied as Inara appeared in the doorway. She gracefully moved towards the stack of coffee cups. They all smiled when they saw her for their own reasons, but Garak felt what Book had been referring to, the love for each other was strong but he was right as well - Garak was only here for a short time and would only bask in this love before being ripped back to his reality where he was hated and hunted more than most of the time. 

“Good morning, I saw the shuttle made it inside safe and sound.” Inara glided in, wrapping an arm around Garak for only a moment and turned and gave River the same side hug. Garak appreciated the acknowledgment and touch more than she could understand. He didn’t think to keep his mask on and when he looked back to Book he realized his emotions and thoughts were sitting on the surface. He hoped to … well...he hoped that too much weakness wasn’t revealed. 

Inara busied herself making coffee and Garak simply watched her, thinking about the night before. She had been a fascinating lover. Insisting on going slowly, exploring every scale and crevice and what reaction stimulation drew, mapping his body with her mind. She did her exploration in such a way that Garak had tipped over the edge twice before he had been given the opportunity to touch her. She, of course, had a professional interest in what lay between Garak’s legs. She asked direct questions on what he liked and what she should do and did so with a careful confidence. Garak felt emotionally and spiritually changed while lying in her bed but she broke the spell by letting him know that his feelings were not uncommon. He was not, in fact, falling deeply in love with her and was actually very high, slightly drunk, and filled with endorphins. 

“What was it like, for you?” Garak asked, still floating a few feet off the bed. 

“Fascinating, your scales and the .. what are they called again?” 

“The  _ chuh’ayn _ \- not spoons.” 

“Not spoons.” She repeated with a nod and a smile. Garak responded by pulling her warm naked body across his own. She laughed, continually surprised at his strength, she nuzzled in his neck as he explained the three  _ chuh’ayn _ and their significance. “I didn’t expect them to be so sensitive. And well - it was different from being with a human male, I enjoyed myself, I hope you did too.” 

“Mmhmm… you are so warm.” 

“Mmm, yup, that’s about all I’m good for.” 

“Inara, that’s not true.” Garak looked concerned and she just sighed dramatically and smiled. 

“I’m not the one you wanted,” she reached across him and picked up a small box of chocolates offering him one as she laid back down beside him, her body on display for him. It was bacchanalian in her shuttle away from the crew and the two sulking men. She was relaxed and more herself now. Garak was a guest not a client. She had picked him. It was like the occasional secret visit from Kaylee in the middle of the night, friends comforting each other in their mutual isolation. 

“How do you say you aren’t the one I want after that - that was fantastic!” 

“Thank you, I’m very skilled.” They looked at one another for a long moment and Garak accepted she was right and he wasn’t the one she really wanted either. 

“Inara, life is short. By all means, fuck all the aliens you come across, please-” She looked at him with pretend horror before laughing. 

“You know all the English swear words don’t you? Go on..” 

“No no, I was just about to give you advice I’d never take myself. Bad form.” 

They talked into the morning before falling asleep together, Inara holding Garak until he untangled himself and dragged his still exhausted and stoned body into his bunk where he had faced a sullen Bashir. He almost didn’t care. It had been years since he had been wanted and he wouldn’t let imaginary allegiances stand in his way. And that lame excuse he had tried sealed the deal, First Contact indeed. Still, the awkwardness between them now confirmed that Bashir felt something for him. If it had just been jealousy over stealing Inara’s affections it would’ve blown over by now, surely. Maybe Bashir was in the same position he was in, doubting if the other returned his feelings. If he didn’t want to be like Inara, alone but close enough, he’d have to risk their friendship. 

Inara slipped her hand into his as she turned to leave the mess and waited for him to rise and follow her. 

_______

“Doctor?” Julian asked as he stepped into the sick bay. “I was wondering if I could talk to you?” 

The doctor seemed to be preparing for a major disaster relief. He was quickly, but efficiently laying out gauze and rubber tubing and surgical equipment. A sterilizer hummed and steamed on the countertops as he cycled in more sharp implements and IV bags. He was going through pages of what looked like handwritten notes in files with each crewmen’s name in large, neat handwriting. 

“Doctor!” Simon said with a laugh. “How can I help you?” 

“The captain asked me to come down here and give you a hand...what are you doing?”

“Before a job I like to review everyone’s charts and make sure they are in pretty good shape. It makes stitching them back up when they come back from a job a simpler task.” 

“I see...you think this one will be eventful?”

“They usually are. Mal and the crew aren’t exactly brimming with tact.”

“Simon, your sister...would you mind if I asked you about her condition?” 

“Her condition is...that of a brutalized young woman,” he said angrily. He began picking up and throwing down equipment. If he was going to tell this story again, he needed his hands busy. “They used brain surgery and torture to manipulate her and eventually lock who she was deep inside. I can’t begin to figure out what they were even trying to do, let alone how to heal it.” 

“I was wondering if...you’d like me to take a look,” Julian offered, resting a hand on a bag of supplies he had brought from the Yangtze. “I probably can’t  _ do _ much with my limited supplies, but I might be able to give you deeper insights.” 

“Your technology is pretty impressive. That would probably help,” Simon admitted. 

“Tell me, do you know much about gene manipulation?”

“Manipulation? We have gene therapies for women trying to conceive and people with genetic diseases. It wasn’t my area of focus when I practiced.” 

“This would involve changing the very genes of a person for a desired affect,” Julian explained. His voice was a little shaky as he spoke. Simon stopped what he was doing and turned to Julian.

“...why would anyone do that?”

“There are lots of possible reasons. Your sister exhibits some behaviors I’ve seen before in victims of gene manipulation” 

“Doc-Docs?” Mal interrupted as he stepped into the medbay. “Zoey thinks it’d be smart to have a doctor come with us based on a general trend of needing that sort of thing...often. So who is it going to be?” 

“Captain- are you going to be alright going back there?” Simon asked. The stone-still look on Mal’s face immediately made him regret the question.

“It’s just another world- Bashir, Simon’s mouth just bought you a ticket to Hera. You’re coming with after all. At least you're dressed for the part. Let’s get this over with.” 

Hera was beautiful, rustic. There was almost no way to tell what had happened here all those years ago. Mal and Zoe walked down the gangplank and solemnly took in the landscape together in silence, one of the smaller settlements, New Lansing, bustled before them Mal tried not to think about the planet they were on - they all did look the same when you were standing under a blue sky with wheat and grain and dirt roads and cow shit. But this was a different blue sky, he had bled under this scorched blue, the bodies of his friends and enemies fertilized the soil on this world. 

“Fuck this place.” Zoey announced and then spit. Mal just agreed quietly and began loading up the haul and the additional fertilizer they planned to sell and began down the road towards town with Zoey, Jayne, and Bashir riding along on top of the goods. The former brown coats kept the party small, not trying to draw attention and for the most part they didn’t. Just another dusty dirty crew on some such task. 

Selling the fertilizer wasn’t difficult and after only one stop at a re-supply shop they had their coin produced from thin air. 

“Well, if that Federation ever wants to expand to this side of the grand divide, let’m know they’ve got my support.” Jayne said as the coin jingled delightfully in Zoe’s hands. 

“They’ll be grateful, I’m sure.” Bashir replied. 

“Well at least you’re funnier than the other Doc.” Zoey gave him a tight smile. “Wasn’t such a bad idea to bring you along.”

“Kids, focus, that was the easy part, now comes the dirty business. Doc, hang back a bit, your job is to help if something goes south - “ 

“If?” Jayne snorted, pulling his knit hat down around his ears, the puff ball top bouncing in the wind.

“Here,” Mal said as he dug into his coat pocket. He produced Julian’s phaser and put it resolutely into the doctor’s hands. “You earned this back. Keep your eyes open.” 

They all piled back into the now much roomier warthog to finish their business. They sped along a dirt road that led out of town and followed a long wide irrigation ditch surrounded by fields. After an hour of rough travel they pulled up to a Ranch surrounded by scraggly dark thicket of pine trees. Their barks were almost completely black in the baking sun. The bright blue cloudless sky, the yellow fields that stretched on beyond the green river, it all seemed to come to an abrupt stop in this shadowy place. Just beyond the trees, thick black smoke rose into the air. 

“Well that’s promsin’” Jayne said of the ominous entrance to the logging camp.

“Ok. Zoe and I will go make contact, Jayne, you back us up. The General in there, as most of you know, is a mite squirrely from the war. Not everyone made it out as solid as Zoey and I. He runs this logging camp, hell, as far as he’s concerned, he runs this whole town. We don’t need to go run afoul of some  tetchy  backwater pine baron with a cannon on each side of his hip,  _ Dong Ma _ ?” Zoey nodded, Jayne just yawned. 

Mal tried his best to tamp down his concern about this run. Bringing this kid was a mistake. He needed someone he could trust and he wasn’t sure this one could be trusted. It hadn’t felt right since they picked up the Yangtze and he ignored his gut at his own peril. All he had to do was exchange the final bill of payment for some smuggled trafficked charcoal, get their take, and be on their way. Simple. Easy. Guess they were about to find out what his gut was worth. 

“General?” Mal shouted as he and Zoey crunched up the gravel road to the thicket of trees. Jayne walked in an arch behind and around them, taking up a position in the scraggly woods with a long rifle. Julian crouched down behind the warthog and listened closely to every movement, every twig break for signs of trouble. 

Christ, he hated dealing with the General. His constant use of low quality speed was finishing off what PTSD hadn’t of his brain cells. Moving to Hera hadn’t done much for his mental state, but his wife at the time had inherited this stretch of land and they had nowhere else to go. She was long dead now as well. Last time they met the General had more half remembered stories he just  _ had _ to share. It was best to make this as brief as possible. It was painful to see what he had been reduced to--a barely upright shell of the man he once was. It was almost not worth coming back. Almost. But they’d need every scrap of cash they could get. 

“Awful quiet around here sir, didn’t you say he had over 40 workers in this patch?” Zoey asked, every nerve on high alert. 

“General!” Mal tried again, but no one stirred. “Fantastic.” Mal muttered as he opened his coat back to expose his side arm. He nodded for Zoey to follow his lead. They disappeared together into the thick wood. The gravel road led to a ramshackled house that was still. The entire place seemed unhealthy. Suddenly the front door swung open wildly. The General stalked on to the front porch and let the door slam shut behind him. He was shirtless, his large belly hanging over torn, dirty pants held up by suspenders. A large red cut ran down his shaking middle. One arm still had a needle hanging in it, dangling over a six shooter he swung them wildly at Mal and Zoey. They both ducked behind some old equipment. 

“What’s all this hollerin’” he growled. “Mal? You sonofabitch. You gotta lotta nerve comin’ back here,” he began firing wildly into the yard. 

“Looks like his workers ran for it. General’s off his pot,” Zoey shouted before the gunshots stopped and they heard footsteps making their way towards them. Mal fired his but the footsteps didn’t halt, they didn’t even pause. 

“General I don’t wanna shoot you,” 

“Fuck you!” He shouted as he continued to their hiding place before they heard something strange and then the sound of a body hitting the ground and then quiet. Mal and Zoe poked their heads out from around their hiding spot to see him lying on the ground and Julian standing over him, with an open med kit. 

“He dead?” Mal shouted out, worried he’d have to see another of his old friend's dead body on this gorram world.

“No, just stunned.” Julian called back as he used his tricorder to scan the still body of the General. 

“Doc you should be careful he was on a lot of something powerful, stunned might not be-” Zoe wasn’t able to finish her sentence. She and Mal cautiously moved from around the old equipment to watch the Doctor when Zoe spoke the first half of her warning to Bashir. He turned away from his patient to look at her. It was enough time for the amphetamines in the General to surge to the surface. He was suddenly awake and pulled a .38 from his side. He pointed it up at Bashir and shot into his ribs at point blank range. 

Without much of a second thought Mal lifted his weapon and shot the general through the eye, sending the back of his skull skittering across the gravel of the yard before Mal rushed to Julian, followed closely by Zoe. 

The damage was extensive, even Mal could see that without fancy learning. Bashir gasped trying to press his hands into the holes in his side.

“Shock, shock.” Julian repeated pointing to his med bag. Zoe overturned the bag so Julian could rummage through the scattered tools on the ground, digging through leaves and pine needles until he found what he was looking for. He picked something up and pressed it to his neck with a hiss. This pain was so much more blunt than a phaser blast, like a punch that lingered and needled deeper with each labored breath. The lead was hot, actually hot, he had thought it was just a turn of phrase. He had played with guns in the holodeck like they were toys but this wasn’t a game. Julian struggled to maintain consciousness. He demanded his eyes focus on the spikey tree tops, the only little wisp of cloud in the sky, anything--but it was no use. Everything was going dark. Definitely not a good sign. 

“Wash we have a situation, get serenity to the drop site now and tell Simon to get ready!” Mal didn’t have time to beat himself up over Julian’s injury before Jayne appeared, running up to the group from a good 20 yards back. Mal grabbed his shirt with tight fists and got right in Jayne’s face. “Where the hell were you?”

“Where you told me to be! Hanging back cause the General doesn't know me or trust me. Ain’t that what you said to do on the boat?” 

“You let him just charge on in then?” 

“You never said peep about babysitting the Federation.” Jayne replied as the hum of Serenity’s engines reached them, “and if you had, I would’ve told you that ain’t my business!” He growled. Jayne and Mal had come to blows before but this wasn’t one of those situations. Mal was angry and panicked and was taking it out on Jayne but he was right. He had no responsibility to control the Federation officers actions. “Now get your hands off me or there will be three men dying on this ugly hunk of rock.” 

Mal felt like clocking Jayne just for that but Serenity interrupted and set down, cargo bay doors opened before it had even landed. 

“Help Zoe get him on the ship. I’m going to check the General’s shack to see if all our pay went up his arm. Fuck.” 

Simon was already off the ship with a stretcher, Garak following close behind. Mal just hoped there weren’t any witnesses to see their murders and...alien. He pushed the door open to the shack. The General must’ve been alone for months from the look of the place. Needles were scattered everywhere and the stench of dirty bodies and old blood filled the shack. He dug through the mess until he was able to manage to find about a quarter of their pay, a few shiny pieces that could fetch  _ something _ , and photos of their time in the war. He shoved it all into his deep pockets. As he turned to the doorway he took a shaking breath. No good. He tried a few more but was unable to tear his eyes away from the dead man on the ground, the back of his head completely missing and a dark puddle growing around him next to the bright red smears the doctor's wounds had left. So he did end up seeing another friend dead in the dirt of this world but he was the one who put him there. Another couple of breaths until he felt more in control and he dashed off, avoiding the body, as he ran into Serenity’s cargo bay. No time even for a burial - just like on his first visit to Hera. 


	6. The General

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Julian gets shot in this chapter and there are some pretty graphic descriptions of blood and pain.

Terror. Julian’s blood everywhere. He’s not moving. He was not speaking, at first. When he was jostled onto the stretcher there was a terrible gasp of pain as he came back around. He writhed in agony and grasped for the first hand that would take it, Garak’s. The blood squelched between their palms as he squeezed Garak with impressive strength, especially in his weakened state. 

“Fuck! Fuck. It hurts!” He shouted and kicked his heels against the plastic of the stretcher with terrific force. Simon started strapping him down. 

“Talk to him.” Simon told Garak, pushing gauze into the wound. Simon spread his hand flat and applied pressure to Julian’s wound causing him to strain against the restraints, gnashing his teeth. Garak hadn’t seen such pain since his time in the Obsidian Order. Zoey and Jayne lifted up either end of the cot and started to jog towards Serenity. Julian let out a choked cry with every jostle and Simon shouted his command again, shaking Garak out of his shock. 

“ _Julian, Look at me, stay awake, please-”_

“It hurts Garak, it hurts.” He mewled but at least he stopped trying to thrash and scream. He focused on Garak’s bright white-blue eyes, his reassuring grip and desperately trying to stay awake. His hand was slick with sweat and blood, dark hair sticking to his face from the sweat. 

“ _Julian we are on the ship, see? See the bulkheads? Stay awake. We’ll be in the sickbay soon, come on, stay awake, you need to tell everyone what they are doing wrong._ ” 

“I can only see you.” He said quietly, a small smile creeping across his lips. “Garak, I’m sorry,” He was quieter, paler. When Garak helped to shift him to the operating table he didn’t cry out in pain anymore, but just winced and sucked in a labored breath. “I’m sorry I never told you...now it’s too late.” 

“ _No, no Julian, it’s not, I promise it’s not. You’ll be alright._ ” 

“It was never about Inara-” He sounded almost drunk. “It was always about you and I could never…” his eyes began to roll back and Garak shook him as Simon began stripping away clothing and attaching wires to his chest. The wound was obvious now, Garak had seen injuries like this before, he had seen some men survive them - not many though. They had gotten Julian help quickly, and that was in their favor but what kind of help was it really? This was a far cry from a Federation sickbay. No replicator for needed supplies, no computer, no regeneration beds. 

“ _Julian!”_ Garak’s voice brought him back momentarily. _  
_ _  
_ “Shh, it’s ok, no matter what… it’ll be ok..” Julian smiled at him again, no doubt it was meant to be reassuring but instead it was the last thing he did before giving up to the darkness.

“I’m sorry, you need to go. I need room to work.” Simon said to him gently but urgently. He suddenly felt a hand on his arm leading him away. If it had been anyone other than Inara then he may have broken that hand to get back to Julian’s side. His cold fingers came unglued from Garak’s, sticky with coagulated blood. Garak still hadn’t taken in the horror of his own clothing. He was soaked in Julian’s blood and the wet fabric had grown cold. They slipped out of the crowd of crewmembers which parted for the pair as they moved to the viewing windows alongside the medbay. 

The scene was chaotic and unfamiliar. No tricorders, no hyposprays, machines were attached to Julian by wires and they began putting what looked like water into him using needles. Garak pleaded with anyone who might be listening, maybe Book’s God, for anyone here to know how to use a hypo spray or a regenerator. River’s head snapped over and locked eyes with his before she immediately ran out of the gathered crew. Simon was working frantically and Mal, a universal donor, was bleeding into another bag via a tube and a needle across the room, trying to not watch Julian cling to life on his order. River ran directly back into the medbay with an arms full of help. 

“Bleed faster captain,” Simon muttered as he watched Julian’s blood pressure drop and more of the body began the process of shutting down. 

“Oh trust me doc, I am trying,” Mal said. 

“No need,” River spoke in a clipped manner similar to Bashir’s as she administered two hyposprays in quick succession, stabilizing his vitals almost immediately. “Take your time ...bleeding,” she replied. She handed a small machine over to her brother. 

“Press here - the tip here will suture,” she said, back in her own voice, handing the machine to Simon. It fit in his hand perfectly and, knowing what it was for, he found it very intuitive and damn near a miracle. Though Julian was bleeding from dozens of places he was able to repair in half the time with no needle. Mal finally finished his pint and the donation was immediately put into Julian. 

The entire thing was a horror show of backward ancient medicine as far as Garak was concerned. He felt cold and sick, watching Julian’s still body pulled this way and that by their doctor. He was cutting off his clothes with trauma shears as River pressed hypo spray after hypo spray against Julian’s neck. His vision swam for a moment, and his hands began to shake as Mal walked out and rolled down his sleeve. 

“You,” Garak said, his voice dripping with disgust as he took a swift step forward. Inara put herself between the two men but Garak expertly positioned her behind him. His fierce blue eyes were unblinking and glittered with malice. Mal was intimidated for a moment, but only a moment. 

“You got something to say to me you, _Ta Ma Duh,”_

“Captain, you had better hope that Dr. Bashir lives,” Garak sneered through gritted teeth. The threat hung in the air between them for a moment.

“Mal, this isn’t going to help-” Inara started to say, but was interrupted by Mal sending his fist flying at Garak’s face. More pandemonium. Garak fell to the floor and waited for Mal to take a step forward before swiping out his legs with a swift kick. Mal didn’t take him for much of a fighter, at least until Garak was over him and swinging for his face. Garak wanted to throttle him, to press down hard on his soft human throat until the light left Mal’s eyes. He pushed the murderous desire down into a sock to Mal’s gut before Jayne pulled him off and sent Garak flying against the back wall. Blood ran from Mal’s nose and down his face as Inara helped him off the floor. 

“That’s the last time I bleed for your doctor, _dong ma_?” Mal shouted, Inara pushed herself against Mal with all of her strength to hold him back, even though he’d never go through her. His hand throbbed from the blow and was already starting to swell. His face and gut weren’t much better. 

“ _You are incredibly lucky your goons are here to help you,_ ” Garak said in Khardassi and then spat at Mal’s feet. Jayne had planted a single forearm across Garak’s chest and, looking unimpressed, he held Garak pinned while waiting for orders from his Captain. 

“No need to translate that...get him outta my sight before I make things much, much worse,” Mal growled. River walked up to Mal and held one of Bashir’s tools to his face. It glowed and felt warm for a minute before the pain in his nose began to abate. 

Inara led Garak away towards her shuttle. She stripped his bloody clothes off as he stood numb to her care. He just stared at his bloody hands, a mix of the captain’s bright red and fresh against Julian’s. She helped ease him into her tub. Undoubtedly eating up a large part of her fresh water ration, she scrubbed the blood off him and rinsed him clean before filling the tub, dropping in oils and fresh flowers with practiced precision. 

It was as if the last hour hadn’t happened. She had swept it away, covering his pain as quickly as possible. She produced a long pipe from a cabinet and pressed some black tar into it and handed it to him. 

“For your nerves, I won’t let you get too far gone, but you need to rest.” She promised when he hesitated to take the pipe. He finally did and was surprised to find it tasted like flowers. After two or three pulls he felt himself relax fully into the tub, the water was warm and clear - no more blood. 

“Garak- I have to go … check on Mal. He’ll be beating himself up badly over this--worse than anything you could do to him.”

“You don’t know what I could do to him,” Garak said groggily. 

“I’ll come back with news and some clean clothes,” she pulled out a fluffy white robe and matching warm slippers, laying them out on the bed. “Please take your time in the tub, breathe, try to get some sleep.” 

Inara padded through a quiet ship. The lights were all off and the common areas were empty, as if everyone was hiding from the specter of death. She slipped quietly through the empty mess and down the stairs to the infirmary, where Mal stood in a rectangle of blue light watching Simon hunched over the still frame of Julian Bashir. 

“How’s it going?” She asked, wrapping her arms around herself. 

“I don’t rightly know. I just figure standing here ain’t hurting anything,” he whispered, worry lines on his forehead and a blank stare underneath. They stood in silence a moment before she placed a hand on his back.

“This isn’t your fault,” Inara said, gazing through the window. 

“Uh-huh, and what would you know about assigning blame for this?” Mal said with a laugh and then immediately regretted it. He was just so tired of people getting hurt around him. She didn’t react in anger though. She rubbed his back while gazing into the medical bay. But hey, while he was saying stupid things…”Inara, why is it, you always come to comfort me...but never come to me for your own comfort?”

She was silent as she slid a hand back and forth across his shoulders. They both stared into the room, willing Julian to live. Occasionally, River would press one of Julian’s tools to his neck, and his numbers would suddenly jump back to life. Inara’s feet were beginning to ache by the time Simon stumbled back and fell onto a stool across from the still body of Julian Bashir. He took off his gloves and threw them down in anguish. Inara and Mal finally felt brave, or doomed enough to move. 

The room was a mess of darkening dried blood and discarded surgical equipment. Monitors on the ceiling sang steadily along with Julian’s weak, but still standing, heartbeat.

“Simon?” Mal asked, with just a little shake in his voice.

“He’s critical. I won't sugar coat things captain. I’m going to be up all night making sure I can keep him stable...but for now, there’s reason to hope.” 

“Well I guess I avoid death at the hands of a terrible lizard another day at least.”

“Mal, you know Garak--” Inara started but Mal just put up his hands. 

“Don’t. Don’t defend him. I don’t want to hear one ruttin-,” Mal stopped himself and rubbed his eyes. He was bone tired, but wouldn’t rest until Simon did, he owned his doc that much. “Just... let my soreness rest a piece.” 

“Good work doctor. I know he’ll be alright,” Inara said as she turned to leave.

“I wish I had the same certainty,” Simon said with a weak smile. He turned to Mal. “It would have been next to impossible without River. She knew how to use their tools perfectly. She was so calm. It was like she tapped into Julian’s experience somehow.” 

“So deepens the mystery,” Mal said. 

“Let me see your hand,” Simon said. He sighed wearily as he turned the swollen stiff hand over and pressed down. “Captain, it looks broken.”

“Yeah but at least it felt good to do the breaking,” Mal said. Simon sighed and pulled himself to his feet to get the painkillers and splint. "Once you patch me up I'll go put some coffee on."

  
  
  


Whatever she had given Garak, it had done its work. He slept deeply for hours, never resurfacing to consciousness but diving deep into strange dreams. But as soon as Garak was awake, he had pulled on his set of simple clothes Inara had brought from the runabout and found his way through a still-quiet ship down to the infirmary.

Simon lay sprawled on a couch just outside the infirmary in a fresh set of clothes. Everything in the room had almost been scrubbed clean by a small automated bot slowly whirling its way across the metal floor. It smelled of disinfectants and iodine - he couldn’t detect Julian’s scent. Panic gripped him for a moment, but the pale body on the bed didn’t seem lifeless. 

Julian had a tube running up his nose and was wrapped in various wires and lines running the length of his body. Bags of liquid dangled over him, as if keeping watch. The whole nest was wrapped in white warming blankets. A great mechanism seemed to be working to keep him alive. It whirled and hisseed and gave off steady reassuring beeps. Every heartbeat, every moment measured out and recorded. At the center of this hulking mechanical wonder was Julian, pale but alive. Garak was speechless. He took a few unsteady steps towards the scene. He slid Simon’s stool next to Julian, unsure if he should move or touch any part of him. He finally settled on just sitting with his hands folded so as not to disturb the delicate threads keeping Julian attached to this world. 

Another beep, another moment of life. Garak couldn’t help but start to count them. Starting from no particular time he kept tabs hoping they would add up to... something. The only light he could see in this universe returning, perhaps. There was plenty of time and quiet to sit and regret by his side, grateful for every one of the countless beeps that measured whatever their remaining time together happened to be.

“I’m sorry to disturb you,” Simon said from the doorway. Garak hadn’t even noticed he had woken up, let alone walked behind him. “I just need to quickly check his vitals.”

“ _Doctor_ , _not at all._ ”

“Uh…”

“Oh, I mean, please, doctor,” Garak gave Simon a sad smile. He watched Simon check various monitors and switch out a bag that was running out of its fluid. “How is he?”

“Very well actually. His metabolism is incredible, I honestly didn’t expect him to stabilize so quickly.”

“His parents paid top dollar for that I’m sure. Is there anything I can do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Julian was changed as a child...designed...Ahhh. My Standard is failing me.” 

“His genes? He was telling me about genetic manipulation victims in your reality, you mean he’s one of them?”

“Yes, genes. Many times it doesn’t work. Julian, well, he’s different now. He isn’t...whole, but not as broken as some.”

“I’ll be back to check on him again in an hour. Don’t be afraid of all this,” Simon motioned towards the web of tubes and wires. “It looks fragile but I highly doubt you can disturb him.”

“It’s alright if I stay?” 

“Of course.”

As the hours passed, Garak was vaguely aware of various crew members coming and going in the background. The doctor was often in and out of the room. Garak even assisted in helping drain Julian's wound, getting a good understanding of the savagery of their weapons as well as their medicine. A cold need for revenge shuddered through him. He hadn’t realized how deep his feelings were for Julian until experiencing this intense physical reaction. It was terrifying. Inara brought him warm things to drink throughout the day and sat with him for hours, sometimes in silence, sometimes listening to him babble about his memories of him and Julian together. Eventually he ended up with his head cradled in her arms as he finally lost the battle to hold himself together. 

He could see Mal every so often pacing back and forth in the shadows of the lounge, pulling an exhausted and frazzled Simon aside for interrogation each time he completed his hourly check in with his critical patient. It wasn’t just concern for Julian’s survival, they couldn’t get on without Julian. They were gassed up with nowhere to go. Wash pointed them for a leisurely burn towards a rim planet to see what work might be found, just in case. 

Almost a whole day after being shot, Julian began to stir. Garak was stretched out on the couch River had dragged in from the lounge. The steady countless beeps had suddenly sped up slightly as Garak drifted, his PADD with Julian’s spy book on his chest. The rhythm change made him come to. 

“ _Julian_?” he cautiously looked over the bed. He wasn’t quite awake, but Garak could see movement behind his eyelids. He rushed over to the door of the infirmary and hit the call button that buzzed the doctor’s quarters. Garak returned to his side and put a hand on his shoulder. His ashen face twisted as he strained against unconsciousness. Slowly, Julian opened his eyes to see an unfamiliar ceiling coming into focus. And Garak. His mouth felt like sandpaper. He couldn’t move his limbs, though he was becoming aware of the tubes connected to him and the straps holding him down.

“Water?” he choked out. Simon came sliding into the infirmary just as Garak filled a glass. Julian gagged as if he was going to be sick from the unfamiliar anesthesia. 

“Doctor! We are so glad to see you awake!” Simon rushed in with a hypo spray. “River has been teaching me how to use this. These muscle relaxers will help prevent you from hurting yourself as you wake up and should help the nausea. Try not to move.” Simon gave him the hypo spray and Julian’s body noticeably relaxed. 

“I don’t think...I can feel my legs,” Julian said wistfully looking up at Garak after he took a sip of water. Garak’s shaking hands made it difficult. 

“ _What_ ,” Garak asked, his eyes wide.

“It’s just a nerve blocker, for the pain. He’s numb from the chest down but he’ll be able to walk when I remove it.” 

“Remove it?”

“Yes, it’s tapped into your spinal cord.” Julian’s eyes widened and his head swung around, taking in the antiquated equipment, settling on the IV in his arm and growing wide. 

“Huh… I always thought these things would feel worse,” Julian whispered, laying his head back down and breathing through the enormous effort it took to survey his body. “What have you done…”

“Don’t worry about that now, I’ll go over my notes with you when you’re feeling more aware. Those drugs are going to make you a little loopy for a few hours,” Simon said with a grin on his face. He was beaming. There was nothing better than seeing a patient returning from the impossible. 

“‘Loopy,’” Julian let out a small laugh. 

“There it is.”

“Can I… can I touch him or will it…?” Garak asked.

“Just avoid the monitors and you’ll be fine,” Simon squeezed Garak’s shoulder as he spoke and left the room to give them some privacy. Simon was the only one who had really heard their conversation during the crisis and was more than willing to give them space. A few more hours into Julian’s recovery and Simon might even be able to get some sleep. Garak reached down and gripped Julian’s hand. 

“ _How do you feel?”_

“I don’t feel much at all,” he said dreamily. 

“ _This is all pretty horrifying. Nothing like a proper medical bay. Their medical treatment is as savage as their weapons,”_ Garak said motioning to his body.

“Still worked, right?” Julian said with a weak smile. 

“ _I suppose.”_ Garak scooted closer to Julian, leaning in so he didn’t strain himself by attempting to speak too loud. “ _I am so grateful to see you awake.”_

“Garak, I - I am sorry. I can’t believe I was almost killed,” he gasped for air a little and rested a moment before continuing. “And I never had the courage to tell you I love you,” Julian’s heartbeat quickened a little, and so did the beeps. 

“ _Julian, it’s alright. It’s going to be alright now._ ” Garak wasn’t surprised to find that Julian remembered his confession and wanted to pick up right where they had left off, his photographic memory had long been a sore point when engaging in heated arguments. He lost the ability to continue reassuring him, overwhelmed by the moment. Garak pressed the back of Julian’s hand to his lips and shut his eyes, demanding his tears to stay hidden and failing completely.

“Garak, I love you,” he said in a slightly sing-song voice. 

“ _Oh please stop saying it … but never, never, stop saying it,”_ Garak allowed a choke sob before he pushed it down, looking at the floor so that he could at least cut down on the impact of seeing Julian at his weakest, of being reminded of the blood and him nearly slipping away. Julian’s hand untangled from his and raised Garak’s chin, refusing to let him fold his emotions neatly away. 

“I love you,” he said with another weak, teasing smile. The muscle relaxants were certainly doing their job. 

“ _Are you actually torturing me right now? You truly are insufferable.”_ Garak said through a gasp of breath sounding like akin to half a laugh, half a sob. 

“Are you alright?” Julian whispered.

“ _What a thing to ask. You’re alive, aren’t you_ ?” Garak said, looking into his large tired eyes. Julian’s heart monitor began to beep faster as Garak leaned forward and gently kissed him. He rested his _chufa_ against Julian’s forehead for a moment with his eyes closed. He listened to Julian's breath with one hand on his chest, thankful for it’s rise and fall. He would never take it for granted every again. 

A few moments later Mal and Zoey thundered down the stairs and ran to the doorway of the Infirmary. Garak tensed but saw nothing but relief on either of their faces. Mal threw an arm around Zoey’s neck and grabbed his chest. She grinned and shoved her hands in her pockets.

“Ooh boy, it does me good to see you upright...well as nears to it anyway,” Mal said, taking in the tangle of machines surrounding Julian’s bedside, most of which he wasn’t even aware came with the ship. 

“Welcome back Dr. Bashir,” Zoey said. 

“I am sorry about you almost dying on your first job with us and all,” Mal said. “But let that be a painful lesson to you: The Rim ain’t no place for heroics. Alls the same, thank you for tryin’ to take the General down gentle-like. More than he deserved.”

“It’s alright Captain. Thank you for getting help for me so quickly. You and Simon saved my life.” 

“We never leave a man behind,” Zoey said. “Especially on Hera.” 


	7. Half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This story has been pretty PG 13 but it gets extra spicey at the end. If you are here from the Firefly fandom you may not be acquainted with Cardassian sexual anatomy head cannon. Welcome to the wonderful world of Lizard sex.

Even without the General’s full pay they made enough on Hera to buy some needed parts, fuel, and food for the two weeks out and the two weeks back. They were broke now, and if they were able to make it back to the outer rim they’d be in a bad way but all agreed that the risk was worth it. Julian’s sense of exploration and wonder didn’t seem to be a Federation idiosyncrasy but a human trait and Garak’s doubts and Book’s protests were soundly drowned out. 

Garak and Kaylee hunkered down in the Infirmary to focus on bringing Julian all the materials he needed to help meld the two ships. The Infirmary was filled with PADDS, an extra cot and all the machines monitoring Julian’s vitals. He exhausted quickly, and the group could be seen napping as often as they were working. River acted as Julian’s hands, and was often seen walking around with foriegn, high-tech Federation tools. She looked focused for the first time since she came onto the ship, though she was more interested in figuring out the technical puzzles in front of her than the award at the end. 

Garak and Mal mostly avoided each other. After a few days Mal poked his head in to see how things were going. Kaylee was passed out on the small cot while Garak slept next to Julian, curled up on one side to keep away from the wires. Mal hadn’t had a chance to have words with the alien since Julian woke up, but he was pretty pleased to see he hadn’t returned to Inara’s shuttle in all that time. Best to leave it. River rose from the floor of the Infirmary and he was met with an absolutely incomprehensible update.

“There’s unacceptable variances in the polarity amplifier, we’re trying to readjust using the Heisenberg principle by 0.01 intervals,” River said in a matter-of-fact tone when he asked how things were progressing. She looked up from her PADD to meet Mal’s confused face. 

“Well...keep up the good work?” he asked. She just stared and sidestepped him on her way to the Cargo Bay, which had grown tendrils that snaked along the walkways into the Engine Room. As Julian shed wires and tubing, Serenity seemed to gain them. After a week, Wash, Kaylee and River were working to install all new controls into the Conn and Serenity was taking her first uneasy steps into faster-than-light speed.

On the day they were going to fire their Frankenstein’s monster of a ship up for the first time, Garak left Julian asleep, just long enough to take a sonic shower in the runabout. The entire runabout was turned inside out, it’s contents stretching the length and breadth of Serenity, branching in different directions with the occasional cannibalized touch panel mounted in a tangle of wires, but the small living quarters aboard remain virtually untouched. Garak hadn’t left the infirmary much in the last week, and the 20-ft of headroom in the cargo bay was much preferable to the cramped shuttle. Come to think of it, the sonic shower was a poor substitute for Inara’s tub as well. Maybe he did prefer it here. He stood and stretched his sore body just as Inara left her shuttle. He realized as soon as she appeared that he missed her terribly. She had mostly left them alone since Julian had woken up. 

“Hi you,” Inara addressed him from the catwalk. Garak paused for a moment.

“I wish you could speak Khardassi. I don’t know the Eng-list word for what I feel,” Garak said, craning his neck up to look at her.

“I’m really happy for you, Garak,” she said, but he could see she meant to say more. 

“What is it?”

“Bittersweet. That’s the word for what you’re feeling,” she said sadly. 

“All Hands, this iiiiiiis your handsome pilot speaking,” Wash interrupted them over the ship’s Comms. Garak turned away from her annoyed at the intrusion. “We are T-minus 30 from giving known physics the finger so... get ready for that,” Garak turned back to the catwalk, but Inara had disappeared and returned to her shuttle. 

He walked through the ship, ducking under wires and stepping around a new power relay tower sitting just to the side of the sink in the mess, where Book and Kaylee were talking. It was all in Wash’s hands now. Kaylee looked worried, almost like she was crying and Book had a hand on her shoulder. Over the week Garak had begun to admire the young woman. She was brilliant and optimistic, but not naive. He felt a sort of protectiveness over her, she reminded him so much of Ziyal. 

“What’s wrong my dear,” Garak asked as he poured himself some coffee. 

“I’m scared. Those that face the blackness, they lose their minds.”

“What do you mean?”

“Reavers. They were men who faced out into the blackness and saw the yawning nothingness and just lost their humanity,” she said seriously. Garak looked to Book, who shook his head.

“We don’t know if that’s the origin of the Reavers,” Book said, rubbing Kaylee’s back. 

“But what if it is? What if we all get lost in the black and become cannibals and, and...” 

“You’ve done the impossible, you should be so proud. Your little vessel is about to travel three times the speed of light. Look at me. I’ve traveled far greater reaches of space and I’m not insane.” Garak said, gently turning Kaylee away from Book until she met his gaze.

“Really?”

“I mean, it depends on who you ask of course,” he said. Kaylee laughed and ran her stained sleeve across her eyes leaving a smear on her forehead. “We’re getting close.”

“It will be alright,” Garak said. Kaylee nodded and slid out of her chair and headed towards Wash. Book looked at Garak impressed. 

“You look about as excited as she does,” Garak said. 

“This is a bad idea, mark my words. There’s a reason Earth was lost. I worry more about what we’ll find there than any Reavers we might face.” 

“So Reavers do exist? Forgive me, it sounded like legend.”

“There are worse things than Reavers in this universe to worry about now. Anyhow, thank you, for being a friend to Kaylee, even if you are helping us on this fools’ errand,” Book said. 

“Shepherd I will do what I must to get home,” Garak said, picking up his mug and heading towards the stairs to the Infirmary. “I never thought I’d miss Starfleet this much. It’s honestly chilling.” 

He stepped down the staircase to see Mal standing in the Infirmary with his hands on his hips talking to Julian. Ahhh damn. Mal had also mostly been avoiding the infirmary and must have swooped in when Garak was momentarily absent. River stood next to Mal, rolling back and forth on the balls of her feet. 

“...the girl here says she suss’d out the odds for blowin’ up are…” he looked to River for a moment.

“26 percent”

“26 percent for catastrophic failure.” 

“ _I told you to downplay it,_ ” Garak said from the doorway. 

“ _I did, it’s actually 26.6,”_ River said. “ _What? I rounded down_.”

“River....Go help Wash,” Garak said, rubbing his forehead. She smiled at Garak, her clear favorite, and took the steps two at a time up to the Conn. 

“I don’t cotton to those odds!” Mal shouted after her before turning back to Julian. “We gotta abort.” 

“And what would be an acceptable percentage Captain?” Julian asked. He had dark rings under his eyes and looked as if he had lost 20 pounds, but he was at least sitting up right and focused. 

“Well...zero.”

‘Haha, oh...you’re Serious. Captain, that’s...not possible. It’s never possible. Even right now as we sit here motionless in space the percent for failure isn’t zero.” 

“Do you trust your math doctor?” 

“Absolutely. And I trust River’s engineering completely. She probably forgot more about the runabout’s internal systems than I ever knew in just the last week.” 

“Is this the best we’re gonna do?”

“I’m afraid so, Captain,” Julian said wearily. 

“Ok...we’ll go for it. You,” Mal pointed to Garak and motioned for him to join him outside. Garak shared an amused look with Julian. He had mentioned to Julian that he had managed to anger the captain in the 28 or so hours he was out, but not the specifics. It seemed like a strange moment to settle things, but perhaps he was more of a believer in Book’s ministry than he cared to admit. 

“Can I help you Captain?”

“Listen, we’re going into the inky unknown out there. You and me are going to need to come to an understanding with each other.”

“Captain, it occurs to me, that I owe you an apology.” 

“What?” Mal asked. 

“It wasn’t your fault Julian was shot.”

“Well ..I...I sure am tickled to hear you say that,” Mal said, caught off guard by a genuine apology. “I thought you for the type to hold a grudge.”

“You thought correctly, Captain. But it occurs to me that you did not cause my anger, just an easy target for it. My apologies for the fight” 

“Shiny. Hopefully we won’t die and can continue to grow this valuable friendship,” Mal said, dripping with sarcasm. He made it a few steps away when Garak stopped him, speaking to his back. 

“I do have one question, for my own sense of vengeance. The man that did this to Julian, did he pay a heavy price?” 

Mal froze at the question. It sat smooth and heavy as a riverstone in his heart. The memory of the General lying dead in the dirt flew to the front of his mind. Horrible details presented themselves out of order for Mal’s torture: the way his gun had kicked into the palm of his hand when he shot the General dead, the smell of gunsmoke and fresh air, the bits of brain matter splatters across the pine needles that covered the ground. It was all too fresh and storming Mal’s psyche unbidden. And here was Garak smiling at him, too eager to take glee in his friend's brutal death. 

“I took care of it.” Mal said in a dropped whisper turning back to face him, barely hiding his fury at being forced to relive that moment.There was no doubt in Mal’s mind that he was doing this on purpose, that he was being cordial and remorseful to his face but was twisting his insides. Of course, Mal couldn’t call Garak on it without seeming like a madman and of course he could be wrong but his gut told him the possibility was remote. 

“Good, Thank you Captain,” Garak said with an equally enraged smile that just went on a hair too long to be a miscommunication. He turned and walked away from the explosion he had just set off in the Captain’s head, earning himself a little peace.

Garak returned to the Infirmary. Julian was still too weak to leave or really stand on his own. Garak slipped his coffee cup into Julian’s hand with a quick glance behind his back. Simon had forbade caffeine from the sickroom, but the raktajino addicted Julian had begged for Garak to get him some contraband. He had finally been worn down that morning. It was as close to a celebratory drink as Julian was going to get tonight. It was worth it to see his tired eyes light up in the harsh light of the infirmary. 

“Yessss come to me,” he gratefully accepted the cup and drank deep. “Even rapidly-cooling-ship's coffee is like manna from heaven right now.” 

“ _Yes well, if Simon asks, I didn’t get it for you. I don’t want to lose my Infirmary privileges_ ,” he said with a smile. Garak began to massage his calves. The spinal block had been removed the day before, and Julian still felt weak from so long without the use of his limbs. But at least he could feel his legs again. It was worth the pain from the bullet, which occasionally raged enough to take Julian’s breath away. Julian rested his head against the bed and gave Garak a crooked smile. Touching each other was still so very new. Little moments like these thrilled them both. 

“This will work.”

“ _I know it will_ ,” Garak said. 

“We will...we’ll get home,”

“ _Maybe we should wait,_ ” Garak said but Julian rolled his eyes. Garak had been promoting the idea for a few days now. 

“Come on Garak, where’s your sense of adventure,” he took another happy sip of his coffee. “I’m fine.” 

“ _You are not fine,”_ Garak said, eyes widening, “ _You are far from fine. If you were in a real hospital you’d be healed by now. You know they left the metal pieces inside of you?”_

“It causes more damage to remove than is worth the risk. It was common practice in the past,” Julian said, almost absentmindedly. 

“ _It’s a miracle you are alive at all,”_ Garak mumbled. “ _There’s no harm in waiting until you’re stronger._ ”

“I will try my best not to die on you,” Julian leaned forward and kissed him. These gentle moments over the course of the week were like feeding a starving man crumbs. “The faster we knock this out the faster we will find a way home. There’s got to be someone monitoring Earth - Vulcans are still out there and while they have a dark view of them, there might be more to the story. They'll at least be warp capable.” 

“ _We could be going to our deaths.”_

“Oh sensible Garak, outvoted into adventure.” Julian groaned leaning back. It wasn’t much of an argument but it was the most back and forth they’d had in a while that didn’t have something to do with frustrating engineering problems - neither of their fortes. More crumbs for which Garak was very grateful. 

“15 mins, folks - a note from one of our engineers - we don’t have inertial dampeners so please find a safe spot and secure all open cabinets and sharp objects...uh.. Ok then.” Wash announced and Julian smiled over the edge of his cup. Garak strapped Julian down and made sure the infirmary was secure. He came up and raked his fingers through Julian’s hair. 

“See you on the other side.” Julian smiled up at him, his dark eyes held a whole night sky rejecting the vacuum, something beautiful out of the black. 

_“I’ll see you soon, comm if you need help.”_ Garak hated leaving him in there but it couldn’t be helped. Someone had to be in the shuttle monitoring operations. He kissed him briefly and ran his thumb along Julian’s jaw before turning and leaving him strapped down to a hospital bed. He reminded himself that Simon was nearby and he was much more capable of helping Julian in the event of an emergency. Still. 

The comm crackled to life again as Garak was finishing his final checks. 

“Folks, I appreciate you all still being here.There were many times when we were preparing for this run that you coulda jumped ship... and I wouldn’tve blamed you for it. We don’t know what we are gonna find when we get there but no matter what, we will have a hell of a story when we return. 2 minute warning.” 

It was perhaps the longest two minutes of anyone’s lives. River and Kaylee were strapped in emergency drop seats hidden in wall panels near the engine. Kaylee was tearing up and as the time slipped away she started whispering prayers to try to calm down, eyes closed, head back. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt River’s cold finger tips tentatively brush into her palm before grasping her hand. They locked eyes and River called up one of her rare smiles.

“It’s going to be ok Kaylee. We’ll go together.” All Kaylee could do was nod in agreement and squeeze her hand back as they heard the countdown begin over the comm. 

There was a swell of humming around them as Serenity's engines began to whirl with a new kind of energy. Kaylee patted the metal with her other hand, out of River’s sight, and said her last prayer in her heart to the ship. 

The humming intensified and there was a moment or two of shaking - not nearly as bad as they had originally thought, and then suddenly the sound of the engine powering down completely. Emergency lighting switched on, letting Kaylee know that the ship was supporting life but not much else. It was a successful failure, Kaylee first assumed - they didn’t get far but they didn’t blow up, pretty standard falling up for the firefly crew, but then she heard urgent voices from the cockpit. 

“Where the gorram are we?” 

“Half!” Wash exclaimed.

“Half? Half what?” 

“Half way! We, if I am reading these crazy charts correctly-” Wash pulled up the 3D map on the PADD. A blinking red light indicating the position of the ship hanging in open space. The possibility of being stranded half way between Earth That Was and civilization and starving to death flashed through Mal’s head. The sound of Kaylee pulling free of her restraints and dashing up to the cockpit with River brought him back. 

“What happened?” Mal asked.

“I got no idea at the moment captain, but we’re not dead, just the engine so I’d say that’s a good sign.”

“We’re dead in the water, I say that’s a bad sign. Go see how injured my ship is.”

“Right away Captain!” she shouted joyously as she bound down the catwalk. It had worked! Not only had it work but it had flung them much farther than they thought. She laughed as she bound to the engine room, her pony tail bouncing along as she ran. It was a feat of engineering, something that shouldn’t have worked, but did! She could do anything. Well, her and four other people. The hallways were shadowy, the emergency lights casting a sickly yellow pallor throughout the ship. She bypassed the engine bay completely and sprinted to the cargo bay, River hot on her heels, and the gutted runabout. 

“What the hell is going on?!” Garak shouted, gathering his wits 

“Failure in the power transfer conduits due to overload. We hit warp 4,” River said, she swept him out of her way in the pilot’s seat. Her fingers flew to the controls. 

“What? How is that possible? We were aiming for between warp 1 and 2. The Yangtze only reaches warp 5.” 

“Unexpected synergistic response from firefly matrix.” 

“And how... do you know all this already?” 

River stayed silent as she worked the computer like a lieutenant in Starfleet who had been doing it half her life. The lights in the cargo bay suddenly dimmed, leaving only two low yellow emergency lights. He poked his head out and looked down the gangway, but saw only darkness occasionally barely illuminated by the same flashing yellow lights.

“We jumped way farther than we thought!” Kaylee announced. 

“It worked!?” Garak jumped up. Kaylee just nodded and threw her arms around his shoulders. They had been working on this problem for days and, even though she was still a little scared of Garak, she couldn’t help but celebrate the moment. He stepped back pleasantly surprised and smiled. 

“We wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without you, my dear,” Garak said. “We were lucky to find you.”

“I need to go find out what broke in our engine,” she said, blushing and tucking a loose hair behind her ear. Maybe Inara’s attraction wasn’t so mysterious. “My guess is the power transfer units are burnt out. It weren’t like they were gonna hold in the first place.”

“If the drive is that efficient we should spend a little power on replicating a dinner tonight. A celebration feast.” 

“Come on River, let’s go see what needs to be done.”

Garak assisted Kaylee and River as much as he could and by evening they were all exhausted and starving. They were close to complete with repairs and they estimated it would only be one, maybe two, more jumps and they’d be in orbit around Earth. 

Kaylee, with her new intimate knowledge of the replicator, ordered up another grand feast - supplemented by some of their more perishable supplies. Just as Mal and Wash were putting food on the table they heard the awkward staccato of a man walking with a limp and a cane coming down the corridor. A grizzled looking, rail thin Julian appeared, mostly upright and walking, to the cheers of everyone at the table. He leaned heavily on a black walking cane, a loan from Simon, with a silver hare’s head for a handle. Garak came to his side at once. 

“ _I thought you were resting,”_ he chided.

“I had a rest, I’m rested, now, I’m hungry.” 

“Uh… you’re actually still on a clear liquid diet.” Simon said sheepishly, a bit of spicy pork bao in his guilty hand. 

“Oh, well, then I’ll enjoy the company...and some broth.” This was answered with another cheer and a brief but lively chant of ‘broth’ which dissolved into laughs. 

Julian’s smile could have carried Garak across the room. These people were more human than any member of Starfleet Garak had met before and they brought out something in Julian. Humans were social animals, he had told Garak that before, but he always thought that meant they would pester you endlessly for attention. It was actually that they needed the acceptance of other humans to be complete. Julian seemed to glow from inside in a way that he wasn’t sure he had seen before. Garak gently lowered Julian into one of the ship’s wooden benches, relishing the closeness of their bodies as he leaned on him. It was like living in a dream, even though Julian looked so haggard and fragile. Garak sat next to him and warped an arm around him to gently gather Julian even closer. He wanted to bask in this new light that the crew had turned on in Julian. 

They ate just as greedily and lively as before as Julian sipped some replicated broth while leaning against Garak’s chest, his hand on his thigh. Inara and Book were nowhere to be seen, Garak noted. One was protesting the entire affair, only leaving his room to spend time cheering up Julian as much as he could. The other seemed to be studiously avoiding both Garak and Mal. 

“Hey I got a question, this happen a lot in your ‘Verse?” Jayne asked with his mouth full of food, motioning back and forth between Julian and Garak with the tip of a sharp knife, blunted with a fried cube of potato. 

“What do you mean? Getting shot or slipping into a different dimension?” Julian asked. 

“Nah, I mean like, aliens getting together with normal humans.” 

“Oh, well, it happens more often than you’d think, especially if you’re Starfleet.”

“Are there like, aliens out there with like, well.. .ya know…” he lowered his voice, as if speaking conspiratorially. He started motioning to his chest, but Julian wasn’t picking up on the pantomime. “Three tits?” Jayne finally blurted out, his eyes wide before Zoey smacked him upside the head.

“Jayne Cobb, I am surprised at you...well, not that surprised I guess,” Zoey corrected herself. “What would Ma Cobb say?”

“What?” Jayne asked, rubbing his head. “There’s got to be aliens better looking out there than this one!” He motioned towards Garak who frowned.

“Well, infinite combinations and all that. I’m sure there’s a tri-breasted humanoid just waiting for you...somewhere” Julian said with a laugh before Garak could respond.

“You’re a pig,” Kaylee said, also smacking Jayne.

“Alright gang, settle down. I got words. Well, just a few: here’s to a successful first run and our second real meal in weeks,” Mal declared. As their cups met in the middle of the table, the ship’s proximity alarm sounded. They all sat stunned for a moment until Mal and Wash locked eyes and ran to the cockpit. They were in the middle of the black, lightyears away from anywhere familiar and any other living soul. 

“Kaylee, are we close to being able to do another one of those warp jump things?” Zoe asked as she tossed her napkin to the table and stood up, preparing to give orders to the remaining crew. 

“Ah...I mean I need to-”

“Go. Do it now,” Zoe said before heading down the catwalk. Kaylee grabbed River’s hand and dragged her to the cargo bay. 

“Come on, we need to get you back to the Infirmary right away,” Simon said, gently taking Julian’s arm. Garak’s formerly warmed heart jumped into his throat. He went to help Julian on the other side when he heard shocked screaming from the cockpit followed by familiar voices.

Wash and Mal looked out on nothing but black. The computers were all telling them something was nearby, but nothing was there until a massive ship shimmered into view from nothingness. Mal and Wash jumped into each other’s arms when the ship materialized in front of them. They realized they were clutching each other, dropped their arms at the side, and stepped back. 

_“Duj mIwqoqvam'e'?,”_ a rough voice barked over their comms system. 

“What the hell? Captain, What the hell is that?” Wash was pointing from the strange ship to the comms speaker and back out the window. 

“Hey hey, I need you to be cool, Wash. Uh...what do we say?”

“ _nuq DaneH? nuqDaq DaDab_?” 

“Ahh. Gorram it,” Mal said. “I have no idea what that fella is saying...can we bring them up on visual?” 

Mal motioned to the large PADD they had jury-rigged to the ship’s comms system. 

“Let’s see uhhh...AHHH!” Wash flipped it on, and saw a horrible sight. He was almost sure it was a woman, whatever it was, with a huge creased forehead like a busted open baked potato. She was draped in metal and leather, and long brown hair flowed down her back and shoulders. She looked just as confused.

“Uhh huuuh. Wow. Wow. Uh, hello there….miss?” Wash managed to croak out. “This is the cargo vessel Serenity.” 

_“SoH 'Iv? bIQongtaHvIS, qatlh bIvang?”_ she asked, clearly irritated and getting angrier by the moment. Wash looked at Mal, wide-eyed. 

“Um.”

 _“MotlhwI' DaghajmeH 'e' yIchaw'!”_ The screen went dark and suddenly two points of light zipped from the ship and across the bow, rocking Seranity slightly. The PADD went dark. 

“They’re SHOOTING at us?” Mal exclaimed. “Why the hell...I thought we were building a rapport!” 

“If those were warning shots, I don’t want to see what will happen to us when they actually try to kill us,” Wash said.

“Ah, Captain?” Garak’s familiar and not entirely unwelcome voice chimed in from behind them. “I’m not sure of our peoples’ relations in this reality, but I may be of some help. I can at least understand the Klingon captain.” 

“The what?” Mal asked. The ship rocked again, more violently this time. 

“I’ll try to talk to them. Someone help Kaylee get the ship ready in case we need to quickly get the hell out of here,” Mal bolted for the engine room as Garak turned the PADD back on. 

_“Klingon ship, this is the transport ship Serenity. How can I help you?”_

_“This is Captain Soji, daughter of Nerek of the patrol ship Go’unKut. You’re strange...unidentified vessel is too close to the Klingon border, Cardassian,”_ she sneered _._ Oh good, it seems his people were just as popular in this Alpha Quadrant as back at home.

“She doesn’t sound terribly impressed,” Wash whispered.

 _“Perhaps our charts are out of date,”_ he ignored Wash for a moment _. “We certainly didn’t mean-”_

_“What class is your ship? We’ve never seen something like this out here with warp capabilities before. What species is your crew?”_

_“It’s my understanding we are not in Klingon space...is that correct?“_

_“You are on our border-”_

_“Then we will simply be going, so sorry for the intrusion, no offense meant. I-”_

_“Cardassian petaq! You have five minutes to submit proper identification and answer my questions or we will board your pathetic, unarmed and unshielded vessel,”_ she grinned. 

_“Taking an unarmed, non-aggressive ship not in your territory? Doesn’t seem to be much honor in-”_

_“A lesson in honor! From a Cardassian! Ahahhahaha,”_ she barred all of her sharp teeth as she threw her head back in laughter, startling Wash. Yup, Cardassians seem to be the same here. _“You’re right. I think I’ll blow you out of the quadrant instead. For the glory of Kahless,”_ she said sarcastically. The screen went dead.

“Well...at least she thinks you’re funny. That’s good right?” Wash said, giving Garak a hesitant pair of thumbs up.

“Go tell Mal we’re going to need to jump...in five minutes, because in six minutes we’ll all be dead.”

“We’ve got FIVE MINUTES PEOPLE!” Wash shouted into the ship wide comm. In the other parts of the ship there was a frantic scurry of activity but on what passed for a bridge, Garak and Wash stared at the frightening ship in frozen silence. 

“Klingons?” Julian said breaking the stillness as he appeared in the door leaning hard against Simon and his rabbit headed cane. The doctor seemed particularly put out, though he clearly had given up on ushering his patient back to bed. Garak jumped up and tried to lead him back as well, which Julian promptly shrugged off. 

“Did you hail them?”

“Of course I did,”

“And?”

“It... did not go well.” 

“Really?,” Julian left his would-be helpers and staggered towards Wash, nodding to him to reopen the channel. The irritated Klingon appeared back on the screen. “Klingon Ship, this is Dr. Julian Bashir of the United Federation of Planets-” 

“ _Who?”_ The voice boomed back. The Klingon woman’s face scrunched up as she clocked Julian. “ _You are no Cardassian. What are you?”_

“A Human? You’ve never met humans before?” 

“ _Hmph, no. If this is first contact with an unknown species I will need to alert the Vulcan High Command. Why do you have a Cardassian with you?”_ Her rage had been extinguished and now she sounded merely annoyed that she was not going to be allowed to destroy the strange vessel.

“He’s ...my tailor?” Julian tried, Garak hid his eyes. The Klingon looked confused but just lifted a hand to stop any further conversation, it was already weird enough and clearly above her pay grade. 

“ _You will stand by and await further instruction.”_ The screen went black. 

“We need to make sure repairs are complete. We may have to jump but I think I bought us some time. At any rate, they are calling the Vulcans which is exactly what we wanted...but Klingons? Deferring to the Vulcans?” 

“ _Indeed, what kind of Vulcans might we encounter?”_ Garak asked a little wide eyed. Julian shrugged. 

“I don’t know, back home Klingons wouldn’t have bowed to anyone. Hmm.” The Klingon ship hailed them back almost immediately. 

“ _Cargo ship Serenity. Maintain your position. A Vulcan science vessel will be here in 14 hours._ ”

“Yes Captain. We certainly will, thank you.” 

“ _As you have no manner in which to protect yourself, we will maintain a watch over your vessel. Do you require any aid?”_

“No, we’re fine here. Thank you Captain,” Julian said, relieved. 

“That sounds... a lot better,” Wash said. “You’re clearly the face of this couple.”

“Garak has his own charms,” Julian smiled. 

Garak carefully helped Julian back into the Infirmary’s convalescing bed. He still needed to be at least close to medical intervention, plus he was not quite able to hop up and down the hatches to the quarters. He treated Julian like glass, but seeing him up, unattached to wires and tubes and monitors, gave Garak his first glimpse of hope. Still, the effort of walking the ship had exhausted Julian, who laid back and smiled gratefully at Garak. Soon they’d at least be on a Vulcan ship and they’d be able to properly heal him. Garak pressed a hypospray filled with a cocktail of painkillers, antibiotics and anti-inflammatories to Julian’s neck and then slipped his hand into Julian’s.

“Thank you, for taking such good care of me.”

_“You’d do the same if our situations were reversed my dear.”_

“Well yes, but I’m a doctor. I’m used to caring for people.”

“ _I, most assuredly, am not_ ,” Garak smiled. _“I should let you rest._ ”

“No, please stay,” Julian ran a hand up Garak’s arm. “I’m finally not tangled up in wires.” 

“ _Are you sure?_ ”

“Yes, please, just lay with me for a while.”

_“How can I refuse such an invitation.”_

Garak turned the lights low and walked around to the other side of the bed. He slid gingerly on to the medical bed behind Julian. He was so used to trying to avoid the important threads that connected Julian to this world that he instinctively didn’t get too close but Julian grabbed Garak’s arm and pulled him close to his body.

“It’s OK, you won’t hurt me,” Julian reassured him. Garak moved closer, spooning against Julian’s warm back. He slipped a hand underneath Julian’s simple shirt and placed his palm flat on his chest, still grateful for every heartbeat. Now, there was no beep or alarm--the inner works of Julian’s body were finally quiet. Though he could feel his heart racing as he kissed him behind his ear, it was still enough to hear their quick breathing faintly echoing off the walls.

Throughout his convalescence, they had a chance to be tantalizingly close and affectionate. But their new connection with one another had been third or fourth on the list of recent priorities. Now that the work was done, the ship was quiet and they were not in danger, at least not immediate, and they had a moment to wonder at each other. He moved down to kiss Julian’s neck and sighed deeply when he reached his shoulder. 

Julian put his hand over Garak’s and began to guide it down his bare chest and stomach. Julian’s breaths came more quickly and deeply, but Garak stopped. 

“Julian…” he said quietly into his ear, both disapproving and excited. “You’re not exactly well enough-”

“Just...be gentle with me,” he whispered with his eyes closed as he turned his head and kissed Garak, his mouth was hot and eager. Garak shuddered at Julian’s breathy directive. Cardassian sex tended to be anything but gentle, but he would enjoy the challenge. Garak felt himself stirring as Julian guided his hand down his body and beneath his loose cloth pants. Julian’s breath caught when Garak finally touched him.

Garak wasn’t exactly sure what he was expecting, but he didn’t really anticipate this and realized in a panic for a moment that he was completely lost. He had something in his hands that seemed pretty important but was completely foreign. What was he supposed to do? Great, he finally gets his hands all over Julian only to fumble it by being unprepared. But Julian took the lead once more and showed him the motion. Garak bit down lightly on Julian’s shoulder as he slid his hand up and down his unusual sex organ. He may not have understood it, but Julian sure seemed to enjoy it. He hummed with pleasure and pushed his body tightly against Garak. That’s all it took for his own slick _prUt_ to fully evert. 

Garak never expected his Obsidian Order training in control to be so useful in such a situation. He wanted nothing more than to tear Julian’s clothes off and cover him in bites, to do all the hot, passionate things to Julian that had kept him awake night after night on that cold little station. Garak took his hands off Julian long enough to pull at both of their clothes until Julian was warm and naked beside him underneath the heavy Infirmary blankets. 

It was their first time naked in each other’s presence. Despite his exhaustion, Julian was thrilled and ran his hands over Garak’s body, practically armored in scale, discovering he could make Garak gasp and moan by just lightly touching the three spoon-shaped points on his body and a certain spot on his neck. Garak’s own genital setup was just as mystifying to Julian, but Garak knew how he must be feeling and directed Julian’s fingers to the base of his _prUt_ as he stroked Julian faster. Julian couldn’t hide his surprise at Garak’s moist _anjan_ but luckily Garak’s eyes were closed and his head was thrown back, a reaction Julian appreciated as both a sign he was doing things right and as a chance to quickly recover his game face. 

It was a bit of an awkward fumble, but Julian suddenly shuddered and gasped against Garak’s chest as he came. Garak let go as well, spilling himself into Julian’s hands. They both breathed heavily, holding on to each other.

“ _Are you alright?_ ” Garak immediately asked, propping himself up and running his hand over Julian’s body. He paused over his bandaged side. This was a bad idea, he was certain he had further injured Julian somehow. 

“I’m...I’m great,” Julian said with a laugh, still panting. “Not a stitch out of place, really.” Garak looked relieved. He double checked Julian’s wound just in case as he got up and grabbed a nearby towel. 

_“Now, my heart, you really need to rest. Simon would definitely ban me from the Infirmary if he knew about this.”_

“I won’t tell him if you won’t.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Sekir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo. So some shit happened in the US and yeah, things got real there for a minute. Ended up falling down the rabbit hole of other projects and ignored this one. I'm really happy I can come up with a chapter for you guys, only a couple more to go and we wrap this sucker up!

Garak got dressed and slipped out of the Infirmary to let Julian sleep. The ship was quiet and dark. He imagined he could hear the hum of the Klingon Bird of Prey’s much more powerful engines just on the other side of the walls. It was almost over. They would be going home. He and Julain were...well, something. Closer than he could have ever hoped to actually be. And Julian would get actual medical care. He was delighted but something still seemed so terrible. It wouldn’t leave him. He remembered their first night on Serenity and how spacious the cargo bay was. He headed up the dark stairs and through the mess, but stopped when he heard two voices bouncing off the bulkheads. 

“More aliens! Ain’t no one ever gonna believe this,” Kaylee’s excited voice bounced around the mostly empty space. “I can’t believe anyone can sleep.”

“It’s an adventure. More wine?” Inara’s voice asked sweetly. 

“I’m honestly surprised you came along. A million things could have gone wrong and there was probably some sort of clients for you back on Hera. You could have sat all this out.”

“There were but...I want to see this through. It’s definitely one of Mal’s more inspired hair-brained schemes. And I wouldn’t want to miss my chance to see Earth That Was or my only opportunity to say goodbye.”

Once again Inara had cut to the very heart of the matter. Saying goodbye. It was an increasingly difficult prospect to face. At least to him. Julian had much more to return to on DS9 but...even in his poor condition he also seemed really happy here. Just hearing Inara’s voice broke his heart. She seemed to have been avoiding him recently, and he had followed suit. He realized he was lurking in the shadows and eavesdropping at this point. He stepped into the cargo bay. Kaylee spotted him first. 

“Oh heeyyyy Garak!” Kaylee said. Her face was flushed and her irrepressible smile, bright. They had been sitting on the floor of the catwalk together, and he suddenly got the impression that he may have interrupted something. Kaylee was beaming and her long light brown hair trailed down her back. She was cradling the wine bottle while wearing one of Inara’s black velvet scarves around her shoulders over her usual work overalls. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to intrude.”

“He’s so polite. Garak you’re nice,” she said, 

“Ah, my dear, you are very sweet and mistaken.”

“Hello Garak,” Inara said, gracefully lifting herself from the catwalk. Her black hair spilled over her shoulder and down her dark red dress. She had a slight smile.

“Inara…” he wasn’t quite sure what to say. Kaylee looked between them and suddenly felt like she was the intruder. She snuck behind the pair and headed towards Inara’s shuttle. Just because those two were going to have an awkward moment doesn’t mean  _ her _ night with Inara was over. They stood there until the door to Inara’s shuttle slid shut. 

“You look really happy, Garak.”

“I thought I was.”

“But?”

“I’m not one who forms attachments easily but there’s a lot to admire about...this crew.” 

“Hmm, well “this crew” has had their whole world expanded just by meeting you,” she reached out and took his hand and pulled him closer. “They’ll never be the same. How’s Julian?”

“He’s...wonderful,” Garak said. 

“Is he the jealous type?”

“You know, I don’t know. We haven’t really gotten as far as all that yet. I’m starting to realize I might be in over my head when it comes to human relationships.”

“If only you knew an expert in human relationships,” Inara said with a smile.

“I suppose you're not the jealous type.”

“Of course not, Garak. I don’t wrap my ego up in physical intimacy.” 

“Is that why you avoid it with the Captain? Too much of yourself invested?” Garak's smile softened this blow of truth a bit, a polite Cardassian trait. 

“...You know, you’re not as bad at human relationships as you think,” she said after a pause. 

“You have to be able to read people in my line of work.” 

“As a tailor?”

“Absolutely,” Garak took her hand in his and pressed them palm to palm in the traditional Cardassian greeting for only the closest relationships, “I think I can give you that advice now. Don’t wait Inara, don’t try to protect him from you or your secrets. Live, take the chance. You don’t give the captain enough credit-as much as it pains me to say it,” Garak said sweetly. Inara couldn’t keep the tears from falling from her dark eyes, Garak brushed one from her cheek and interlaced their fingers, squeezing her hand. She tossed his hand away and threw her arms around him. 

“I’m going to miss you,” she said into his neck with a small sob. 

“I’m going to miss you as well, thank you Inara, thank you for everything.” 

She pulled back and leaned her forehead against his  _ chufa _ , tears flowing fearly now. She gave him one last, chaste kiss, squeezed his hand and headed back towards her shuttle for the night. Garak stood, cloaked by all of her presence that she hadn’t known she left behind - the heat of her body, her perfume, the fine dust from incense smoke trapped in her curls, her energy - stood still in time for a second around Garak before the inevitable sink into entropy. 

Garak rose early after a mostly sleepless night worrying about Book’s warnings and what kind of Vulcans might show up. Julian was already up and Garak helped him to the sonic shower on their mutilated shuttle. It was incredible how fast he was healing. The day before he could barely get around but now Julian was almost walking with just the cane, only leaning on Garak occasionally to balance himself when his core strength failed him.

He was thrilled to oblige Julian when he suggested that they shower together. They finally got to appreciate one another properly. The way Julian tenderly explored Garak’s ridges and scales reminded him so keenly of Inara he wondered if it wasn’t her skill but her human curiosity that made her such an artful lover. Garak was sure to hold him up as much as he would allow, stubborn independent thing that he was. Garak was fascinated by Julian’s warmth and vulnerability as if some of the most charming parts of the human spirit were expressed in their flesh.

“It’s lovely, in the dark, I - I could have sworn you were …”

“ _ Smooth _ ?” Garak answered, putting his hands on Julian’s hips and pulling him in close.

“Yeah, but you are smooth but only because the scales fit together so well!” Julian said running his fingertips through the paths where the scales met. Garak shivered with delight and let out an embarrassing sound of pleasure, something between a purr and a moan. Julian froze but couldn’t suppress a smile, Garak’s eyes narrowed. 

“ _ Something to say, Starfleet?” _

“You purr?!” Julian blurted out with a laugh and he followed that up with a pleased giggle. 

“ _ Only when I’m very … content,”  _ Garak said smiling back at him. Julian fell against Garak’s chest, kissing his  _ chula _ and then leaned his head on his shoulder. His hot breath skated over Garak’s collar bone and  _ chula, _ sending more shivers and triggering his purr response again. 

“It’s nice, not like a cat’s purr but something uniquely Cardassian, more like a … growl! That’s it!” 

Garak caught Julian’s mouth in his, mostly to shut him up, but as the kiss continued Julian grew noticeably excited. Garak stroked Julian just as he was taught the night before, using his own slick to lubricate his hand. Soon Julian was panting into Garak’s neck. 

“ _ Bite there, bite hard.”  _

“Bite?” Julian kissed the prominent plate on Garak’s neck ridge before testing it with his teeth with light pressure. Garak moaned properly and Julian increased the pressure while running a finger tip along the rim of his  _ chuva _ . He gasped and with one smooth movement his sex bloomed. Rather than take him in his hand he stopped Garak’s efforts. After taking a shaking breath looking at Garak with big warm eyes, Julian stroked his fingertips through Garak’s  _ ajan _ , discovering the nerve ending filled hollow directly behind the  _ prUt.  _ He slid a couple of fingers inside to be sure that he would fit causing Garak to gasp and moan into Julian’s hair. 

Julian’s teasing was maddening and Garak tilted his pelvis to make penetration easier, eagerly rolling into Julian’s palm. Julian entered Garak and they both shuddered and stilled, engulfed in the enormity of their sudden intimacy and how wildly their relationship had changed. Julian began moving inside him, causing Garak to gasp and moan, pushing back into Julian’s thrust. Julian eventually spilled into Garak with a strangled sounding sob. Garak felt Julian’s cock throb along the walls of his  _ ajan _ and the sensation caused him to take his  _ prUt  _ in hand and finish himself after one or two quick strokes.

They stayed a while in the sonic shower, Garak supporting Julian who had rather overexerted himself. They both felt light, in love, and giggling at everything the other said until they heard boots outside the shower door. 

“ _ You’re draining too much secondary power, Kaylee wants to make coffee but does not want to interrupt potential copulations because “those guys deserve it,”  _ River said from the otherside of the door in  _ khardassi _ . “ _ So she sent me to interrupt. _ ” 

There was a tense beat of silence and then Julian reached out to the controls on the wall and switched the shower off.

“ _ Sorry _ ,” Garak called to River through the wall, still smiling, trying to hold back more laughter. 

They finally emerged and dressed, Julian back in uniform of course and Garak in a suit he had brought and failed to wear before - an Andorian silk in rich shining purple spiderwebbed with gold. When they made it to the galley, Simon, Kaylee, Zoe, and Inara all made impressed sounds when Garak appeared in his shimmering finery. 

“We’ll aren’t you shiny,” Jayne said with a smile, walking by Garak with a bowl of morning oats in his hand, knit cap pulled down over his ears. Garak also noticed with mild pleasure that Jayne thought the occasion of first contact was important enough to include sleeves in this morning's wardrobe choice. 

“Well, not three breasted alien pretty but I get by,” Garak quipped back, causing Jayne’s jaw to go slack. 

Book finally made an appearance at that moment after shutting himself off for, ostensibly, prayer and meditation just in time to dampen the mood. He was dressed in a formal black cassock and his usual plain white collar and his hair pulled back. He looked dower, like he was attending a funeral. Inara and Kaylee both curled their smiles inward and turned with their coffee cups to keep from bursting out into pearls of inappropriate laughter. Book’s arrival in the mess was badly timed and the three breasted alien imagery clearly caught him off guard. 

“Are you expecting a funeral, Shepard?” Julian asked. 

“Of sorts, this is an important and solemn occasion,”

“Nice of you to make an appearance.” Mal said to Book as he breezed past towards the cockpit, taking Inara’s coffee cup from her hand. She crossed her arms, annoyed, but with a soft smile that communicated a shift. Something Mal failed to catch but Garak picked up at once. Mal was also clean and dressed in a new jewel blue shirt he had purchased but never worn. He had deemed the fine linen and deep color too flashy and admonished himself for even buying the damn thing. Catching sight of his motley crew, he was confident he made the right choice.

Mal was alone in the cockpit at first, watching the stars as time began winding down on this historic occasion. With a deep breath he squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that when he opened them the strange dream would be over. He’d open his eyes and they’d be on their way somewhere in the outer worlds. He never wanted to be this man, never thought he’d be in this position, and couldn’t really think of anyone less prepared for the task. When he opened his eyes, he was disappointed to see the Klingon ship still hanging in space.

Mal sighed, grabbed the comm and announced that they were coming up on the fourteen hour mark. The crew slowly began to file into the small cockpit. Garak stood behind Julian, insisting he allow him to offer him physical support. It was crowded, but Julian’s hand squeezing Garak’s helped him breath through any feelings of claustrophobia. 

Right on time, a massive ship appeared. It was about the size of a Suurak class ship, perhaps a little bigger, but the hull was a drab green color instead of the red orange Garak and Julian expected. Doubt began to creep in. Garak had the thought that maybe they could still get away and live somewhere isolated in this universe. 

“ _ Serenity this is the Vulcan diplomatic ship Amsetri. Do you understand us?”  _ The flickering image of a dark skinned vulcan with silver hair appeared on the PADD on Wash’s conn. 

“I do,” Julian announced. The crew was all silent behind him and he could feel the tension pushing him forward. 

_ “Greetings. I am V’Luk of the Vulcan Alliance and captain of this research ship the Stuvork. We were unaware humanity had achieved warp drive. Congratulations.”  _

“Yes well, about that, these humans had some help. Myself and Garak, my Cardassian companion are not from this reality. In my dimension I am the Chief Medical Officer of Deep Space Nine, a space station near a wormhole over the planet Bajor.” Julian prattled on about who he and Garak were as well as how they got the ship to where it was and why. The Vulcan looked impressed. Wait. The Vulcan,  _ looked impressed _ . Definitely not the same Vulcans. 

“ _ Dr. Bashir, please let the crew of Serenity know that we will be beaming a small landing party on board. I understand you are in need of medical attention but we are going to need you there for translation.”  _

_ “I’d like to offer to translate, I prefer Dr. Bashir to receive medical care right away.”  _

_ “I’m- sorry, I don’t know how to say this but in here, in this reality Cardassians are not known for being trustworthy.”  _

_ “Ah, well, offer withdrawn,”  _ Garak said mildly amused.  __

_ “So you happened upon these humans, out of all the places in the Universe you could end up, you end up in one of the last colonies of humans to survive?”  _

_ “ _ What’s that?” Bashir’s face scrunched up. 

“What’s what?” Mal asked, his eyes flicking from screen back to Bashir. 

“ _ This is too bizarre, we’ll beam aboard and-” _

_ “ _ Not so fast, I still don’t know who I am dealing with- the last few times Federation Officers have been in another universe things were not so friendly. Now, you don’t look or sound like the Vulcans I know and I think it would do us better to talk a bit more,” Julian said a little forcefully, not enough to be insulting but a show of strength to see how they’d react. The Vulcan nodded with a slow smile. 

“ _ You don’t have much of a choice. _ ” 

“We are prepared to defend ourselves.” This pronouncement brought a gasp from those collected behind him and he heard the unmistakable sound of Jayne reading a weapon. Mal leaned in to say something to Kaylee, Julian didn’t quite hear it but Garak looked disturbed.

“ _ Undoubtedly Lieutenant Bashir was it? We don’t have anything to fear from one another. I will respect the sovereignty of your vessel. Let’s talk then, what are Vulcans like where you are from?”  _

_ “ _ They value logic over all else. They are scientists primarily and their people joined with humanity to explore the universe. They saved Earth, they didn’t destroy it.” 

_ “It was destroyed hundreds of years ago Lieutenant. I am no more responsible than you. It is a … regrettable period in the history of both our peoples…”  _

“Ah yes but they left humanity with nothing but myths, no history, no understanding of their place in the universe, no home.” 

“ _ Humanity was dangerous, unstable, it may very well still be. Humanity destroyed itself Lieutenant. They were not prepared for First Contact and we’ve learned from that experience. We did not wish to interfere with human development anymore than we already have. You have to understand we operate under something called-” _

“The Prime Directive,” Julian finished the sentence and the alien looked pleased.

“ _ Yes, it was put in place after Earth was destroyed and the humans scattered. We honestly expected the species to be snuffed out, but humanity has a unique ability to survive.” _

“So I’ve been told, will you help us get back to our own time and space?”

“ _ We will make every effort to help you, Lieutenant.” _

“And what about this crew?”

_ “That...is more difficult to answer and will require their input. May we come aboard now? “ _

“Uh- one moment I-” Julian turned and looked at Mal. “They want to beam aboard.” 

“Then what?” 

“Talk? Listen there isn’t much we can do to stop them, they are technologically far superior-” 

A haze formed on the crowded bridge as Julian was cut off by three Vulcan like creatures appearing before them. They weren’t as stern looking as the Vulcans, their skin tone was gold and they were shorter and more compact then Julian expected. Their uniforms were more flamboyant, with armored shoulder and breast plates designed to impress enemies. They solemnly stood with their hands folded, clearly trying to present a united, peaceful front. This didn’t stop Mal from removing his weapon from its holster. One of the Vulcans flanking V’Luk moved incredibly fast to disarm the captain and unholster his own unfamiliar side arm.

“ _ Hold _ !” V’Luk halted his companion. Julian moved to put himself in front of the boarding party.

“No one is going to harm anyone. It’s going to be alright. Remember how bad it was to meet Garak? Come now…” Julian tried to explain to the crew, he turned back to the Vulcans, “They don’t trust easily.” 

“I _ t’s fine, we understand. We have had many such first contact experiences. _ ”

“Any other humans?”

“ _ No. You are the first.”  _

“What did they say?” Kaylee asked, the trembling in her voice betrayed her nerves and Simon quietly wrapped his warm hand around hers. 

“You’re the first, the first humans to reach warp.” Julian said with a smile. Kaylee cheered, throwing her arms around River who cracked a smile. Her celebration seemed to break the ice. The Vulcan’s all nodded, pleased, some even smiled at the joy. Julian finally was able to give a short Federation standard introduction and invited the Vulcans to the mess hall.

In the mess Julian was able to finally sit back down. He had truly overdone it in the shower with Garak and now it was like he could feel each bruised and battered organ individually. River and Kaylee, along with a guard composed of Garak and Jayne, had disappeared along with a team of two Vulcan engineers to inspect this miraculous drive they had cobbled together. Only the medic and V’Luk remained, scanning food items and chatting with the captain through Julian. 

Mal was not clearly not eager to welcome the visitors and gave short halting answers that bordered on rude. He kept his arms tight across his chest, and he rocked on the balls of his feet occasionally and his side arm was unsecured and ready to be drawn. He oozed tension which V’Luk mirrored. 

“Please Captain, these people are not our enemies.” 

“We don’t know that yet Doctor. Didn’t you say the last parallel dimension you visited was all...evil.” 

“It was… unexpected, I guess evil is a way to put it.” 

“I don’t like it when people barge onto my ship, especially people that don’t think much of humanity- listen, we want to see Earth,” Mal stated directly at V’Luk who raised his eyebrows. 

“ _ That is unwise. There is … not much to see.” _

“He says there isn’t much to see. With all do respect V’Luk, you have to understand that these people are searching for their ancestral home. It doesn’t matter what the planet looks like now, they know it will be unsalvageable, but they must see it.”

“ _ May I?”  _ The medic interrupted and held up a diagnostic scanning device. Julian nodded, grateful for something that looked familiar that could possibly lead to some more immediate relief. 

“ _ Dr. Bashir it’s toxic, they won’t be able to set foot on the surface without survival suits. The radiation alone is-” _

“ _ Commander, you should take a look at these readings,”  _ the medic interrupted, she rose from Julian’s side and handed the readings to V’Luk. 

_ “Hmm, Dr. Bashir, your DNA does not match our database, it seems there is something...else….” _

“Uh… well, I can explain, what’s your name?” 

_ “Chief medical officer  _ _ Sekir,” she responded. _

“Well, when I was young my father brought me to have...certain genetic therapies which are obviously detectible…” The Vulcan’s faces were hard, set, and unemotional. The mood had shifted dramatically in the mess from mild irritation to outright hostility. Mal looked between them confused as Julian stuttered to a stop.

_ “Bashir, being engineered in such a way is one of the highest crimes someone can commit in the Vulcan Union. It is strictly banned-” _

“Yes, with good reason. It is banned in the federation as well. What my father did to me was illegal, but it was not my choice.” 

“ _ Be that as it may, this will have to be reported back to the high command. This ship is now under quarantine and is not permitted to move from this spot. No one off except Vulcan crew members.”  _

“Now wait just a damn minute!” Julian demanded as he struggled to his feet. Mal took that as his call to action and dropped his arms to his side stepping closer to the pair. Julian shot him a look over V’Luk’s shoulder and shook his head.

“ _ You need to be contained and I have no idea what kind of threat you pose to my crew, perhaps even the Galaxy.”  _ V’Luk commed his team, ordering them to return to the mess at once.

“I pose no danger, no one here does- unless threatened,” Julian warned.

“Not me, I pose a danger 100% of the time,” Mal said in a deadpan voice.

“Now is not the time for posturing Captain, please. We can diffuse this-” before Bashir was able to complete his sentence, the troop of crew members and Garak returned with their two Vulcan engineers.

_ “I like these ones. They are curious and less spooky,”  _ River twittered in perfect Vulcan. The assembled strangers gasped.

_ “I highly take offense to that my dear, now kindly shut up,”  _ Garak replied in khardassi as he absorbed the tension of the room he had just entered. Wasn’t difficult to do, the air was electric with the potential for violence and now River’s proclamation had turned all eyes to them. 

_ “Another one?”  _ V’Luk asked incredulously, turning to Bashir. Before Julian could answer the medical officer stepped forward and began scanning River.  __

__ “ _ Her readings are much more extreme, but it looks like the same thing-- genetic manipulation.” _

“ _ Sekir? That’s funny, _ _ my name is River. They mean the same thing. _ ” 

Sekir froze and looked at Julian with wide eyes. 

“She’s a powerful psychic and empath,” Julian added quietly.

“ _ Impossible- humans do not have such abilities...but these scans… she isn’t fully human either?”  _ Sekir asked Bashir. 

“Now see here, we are just as human as anyone else. Neither of us chose this and it’s been hell and torture ever since it was done to us. Frankly, you are being very rude.”

“ _ Dr. Bashir, I don’t know how to tell you this,”  _ Julian repeated what V’Luk said exactly, “ _ Under our law, River and yourself would be … destroyed to prevent your genetic enhancements from being passed on and to secure the Union for naturally configured citizens. Now you, you shall go home but I do not know what to do about the River girl or how to tell the high command about humanities crimes.” _

When Julian translating what V’Luk said,, tears standing in his eyes, the collected crew was quiet, until multiple clicks popped around them as weapons were being readied.

“Destroyed. You’d kill a sentient being, a victim of cruel genetic experiments? Where is the logic in that? These certainly aren’t my Vulcans.”

“ _ Logic serves emotion, we do the right things for the right reasons, passion harnessed by logic. Balance and order. Genetically engineered beings have wreaked havoc on our Union before, killing millions. We cannot take such a threat lightly.”  _

“We are not a threat!” 

“ _ Your existence is a threat, regardless of your intentions.” _

“Y’all should probably get going now,” Mal said firmly to the Vulcans, his gun hanging heavy in his hand. 

“ _ I’m disappointed to find that humanity has not changed much.”  _

_ “ _ For what it’s worth _ ,”  _ Garak added in Standard, “I don’t like you either. _ ” _

“ _ From a Cardassian, it is indeed, worthless.”  _

“Vulcans- always insisting on having the last word,” Julian sighed, exasperated. “I think the captain would feel more comfortable with you and your party off of the ship. Now.” 

V’Luk shook his head sadly and with the press of another patch on his wrist the entire party dematerialized from the Serenity and they were, again, alone. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
